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.2.

Today was day four from being away from my boo after being with him everyday for...like three months straight? Something like that. It was better, especially after realizing I'd get to visit next weekend and stay over. Then a broken phone call promise sent me into a horrid mood. Which ended in a phone call fight. Things are better now. I had just hoped I'd be able to control my anger while I was gone for the summer. I guess it's going to take a lot more self control (and a whole lot longer than a few tries) to get that one right.

He sounded a lot like my ex on the phone. Certain phrases he said were word-for-word what the ex had said. Which angered me more. But makes me realize that those are things I desperately need to work on. At least Boo seems to be understanding while Ex was just..."Do it, do it now! Oh you still haven't done it, why would you do this to me?"

Boo admits to having the same issues I have. After years of trying, he's got control over it now. But even he slips up on occasion. He doesn't expect me to change over night. He just wishes to see I'm trying. So that's what I'm going to do, try my damnest and makes sure he realizes it. He sometimes wonders if I hate him. I've never hated him nor do I think I could. I need to show him this. I got to make this work. It's the only thing keeping me going right now.... The rest of my life is slowly falling apart. He's helping me pick up the good and less damaged pieces and put them back together, while discarding the pieces that aren't even recognizable anymore.

I wish to put my thoughts into words over this whole Ex situation. But I can't. Too much drama. Too much bullshit. I don't know why. He doesn't know why. I know I'm doing the right thing, staying at my mom's right now. Changing my number was the right thing.... But I also know that he must be hurting greatly (he was already hurting anyway, he must be hurting oh-so-much more....). And I just feel bad for him, pity him even. I hope this helps us out like I truly think it will. I'm just hoping that sometime, even if it takes years, we'll be able to talk again. I'd ahte to lose a friend...just because he was psycho.

Maybe I am too nice sometimes.