Posted by
erica3
on 2008-01-04 01:20:17 |
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| wow the more blogs i read the more i realise there are more people out there who feel the exact same way i do. and i know your not looking for feedback, and i know ive only started talking to you and from just starting to talk to you, you seem like such a wonderful person. i believe everyone has a certain place somewhere in this world, and i believe one of those places is here for you. it probably feels like no one cares, and i know i tell myself that all of the time.. but its not true. sometimes we just need to shake ourselves and realise its okay to feel this way, but in the end it wont beat us. your truly an amazing person,who lots of people love!!! |
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Posted by
alleen
on 2008-01-04 02:09:17 |
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| Thank you erica. You are really sweet. I know what you mean. I have read a lot of blogs and see the same things. I wonder why there are so many who feel this way. I am just going through a rough patch right now. I think you are pretty great and I am glad I met you. I really enjoy talking to you in the forums! <3 |
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Posted by
badlydrawnstickman
on 2008-01-13 17:59:41 |
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hi alleen,
i think that a healthy dose of self-doubt can be a good thing - it helps to keep one honest with oneself.
however, i think that it would be a mistake to think that people can 'see through you' - we can't see you at all! any person in the community is prepared to take you on face value - whatever you choose to express...so please don't be too hard on yourself!
:)
cheers! |
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Posted by
roe
on 2008-01-14 13:00:50 |
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well. sometimes it does feel good just to know you are not alone, keep talking about it and you will discover that more and more people are experiencing some of your identical complaints. that does not make yours go away, but there is a certain comfort in that for some strange reason, at least you dont think you are a freak or lack willpower. Sometimes its just a chemical imbalance and sometimes you need some therapy. Just dont give up, for the sake of your kids at least. Keep writing your feeling. I couldnt stop eating chocolate yesterday either and Im paying for it today, I feel really sick.
Keep us posted, comtinue to reach out, and keep writing! You will have more friends and supporters than you'll know what to do with. We all care and want to help |
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Posted by
bessy
on 2008-01-14 13:10:59 |
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| read some of my posts, we have alot in common |
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Posted by
bessy
on 2008-01-14 13:19:58 |
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inside depression and how to get out
Inside Depression
and How to Find a Way
Out Or INSIDE OUT
What is it like inside depression?
It is a prison with invisible bars
Self imposed isolation
A life sentence with no parole in sight
A detachment from the people you love
and a lack of energy and desire
You drop out of the race
You are now an observer never a participant
You can not lose yourself in a book or a movie or pretend you have the flu
Later, you can not concentrate
so you give up trying
You wall yourself off from the world
bound inside by an invisible fence
You forget or discount your positives
Because you only think about all your negatives
You dwell on your shortcomings and mistakes
You are so ashamed
It is a distorted view of reality
And a very painful way to waste a day
It is waking up scared in the middle of the night
And long desperate prayers that seem to go unanswered
Before you become a total recluse
you feel like you are leading a double life
Laughing on the outside and dying a slow death on the inside
Commitments are made then broken
You run out of excuses so you just stop explaining
Right before you crash
Pretending
is no longer possible
Junk food in large quantities seem like the only thing that will calm you
After overeating, you are remorseful and feel sick
It is worse than any physical pain you'll ever experience
It seems like something is dragging you down,
and you feel constantly sluggish
Your noticeable weight gain humiliates you
and
takes you further away from help or contact with others,
you are so ashamed,
why don’t you have self control?
You never look in the mirror or shower or open the drapes
You prefer life spent under the covers in a dark room with the remote by your side
and plenty of supplies and no interruptions
To do lists are overflowing then lost,
then forgotten
Nothing ever gets accomplished
You are so ashamed
Indecision paralyzes you
you hide from people
and
responsibility
You are too depressed to ask for help,
Because you are too busy hiding behind your smile
While you are sharing a joke you think,
if they only really knew
It is pretending until you can not pretend anymore
You must psyche yourself up to take a shower
or brush your teeth I
t is almost impossible to do simple chores
that others take for granted
Fear and worry exhaust you
Joy and laughter are distant memories
A photo reminds you of the passage of time
even though day and night blend together
The phone and the door bell are your enemies
People think you are too busy to return calls
People think you are cruel and insensitive
You prefer that over "stuck"
You can no longer lose yourself in a book
or pretend you have the flu
Later, you can not concentrate
and you give up trying
Little things are overwhelming
And big things are just too much for you to handle
It is lonely and hopeless
The shame is horrendous
You want to share a laugh or a tear,
you really want to connect,
but you can't
You are frozen and so SAD
You cry watching a movie
or a commercial
Because you can not cry
for yourself
It hurts more to be around people
Because no one knows how you feel
You are a master of disguising your pain
even to yourself
Everyone seems to be moving forward except you
People tell you that you have talent,
you are smart,
creative and gifted
and you are amazed that you have the ability to fool others so well
You pray no one needs you
They are better off with someone else anyway
The clock is ticking,
and each moment is regretfully unproductive
your nightmares are about running in place
and having feet too heavy too lift off the ground
you are being chased and you can not get away fast enough
you take short naps always waking in despair
you want to sleep your life away,
its too painful to live it
You know you are supposed to live each day to the fullest
the guilt is overwhelming
you are so ashamed
You know how a junkie must feel
But they have track marks and you don’t
Should you call the Doctor?
Maybe its hormonal,
a chemical imbalance
how do you know the difference?
Its too much trouble
You can not find the phone number
You can't find anything
Everything is a mess
you feel scattered
and disorganized
but do not know where to begin
You are so ashamed
Maybe you need medication?
But which one, you are sick of trying,
"Just snap out of it rings in your ears"
"You do not know how lucky you are!"
"You are so lazy, get moving!"
"You are grounded young lady until this room is clean!"
You stop taking care of yourself
your immune system suffers
anxiety is killing you
you fear you are having a heart attack
Are you going to die without trying to help yourself
how could you be so selfish,
people are depending on you
everyone would be better off without you
you are a failure,
a waste…
in a world of overachievers
Your short term memory is shot
you can not remember ever feeling good
You envy the people who go on despite hardships
And despise yourself because you are weak
Many human beings are far worse off than you
You are pathetic and lethargic
an inanimate object that merely exists
with no expectations
You wish you were stronger
and had more will power
And you condemn yourself for not fighting harder
You try to numb yourself using books, food, sleep or TV
Escaping and becoming invisible are your constant desires
Sloth describes your surroundings,
if you spill or drop something You just don’t care to pick it up or clean it up so you just leave it there You are so ashamed
Avoidance gets you into the most trouble
You need to face the pain
the answer is not in the fridge
Find the source and deal with it
Search inside for answers
Confide is someone you trust
Even though you are so ashamed
Depression and pain are Gods way of getting your attention
So…
Pay attention
The more you try to distract yourself,
the farther you slip away
Your problems only multiply
You don't have to overeat
Just because something is eating you
After prayer and soul searching
you decide to try help yourself by getting help
Miraculously the dark cloud slowly begins to lift,
you shower away all that doubt
you open the drapes and let in the light
Positive thoughts create possibilities
Hope is your antibiotic,
faith is your insurance
Write until you've emptied all your thoughts on paper
afterwards,
you will not feel hungry or thirsty,
you'll FEEL!
Because If you FEEL anything at all,
you won't FEEL hungry
or
empty
Then thank God for giving you another chance
Appreciate another new day
fresh with possibilities
Let others in
You must forgive yourself
You must not be ashamed
Your experience might help someone else feeling the way you did
you understand
and that is comforting to another depressed person,
it eases their shame
and
self loathing
and doubt
Never ever give up hope
Because that is death on earth
Joy is a possibility
and
compassion your gift,
the by product of all your suffering
your pain had a purpose
share it with someone still stuck in the dark
and
never forget
you can not just snap out of it alone
you are not in control,
you can not unlock the prison door alone,
God has the keys
I dont know how to send links, but read this, by Helen |
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| Views: 87