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alleen's Blogs in January 2008

A place to be me
I am new to blogging so I am not really sure what to write sometimes. I would write in my journal a lot, especially when I was down. Unfortunatly someone found it and read it so since then I quite writing. It was never meant for anyone to read but me. Well so here I am writing and now anyone here......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-02 16:23:03 | Rating:

| Views: 78 | Comments: 5 | Tags: thank you

conversation
Everyday I face fear and he faces me back. I say, "No! I am not afraid of you." he just stands there and laughs. "You are afraid to feel, afraid to go it alone. You are afraid of rejection, No one calls YOU on the phone." "You are afraid to trust,......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-03 12:51:36 | Rating:

| Views: 184 | Comments: 3 | Tags: fear

making myself sick
I am making myself sick eating chocolates. I am so depressed and I can't seem to shake it. I feel like screaming. No matter what I do or try things don't change. I am trying so hard to be positive and be more outgoing. You have no idea how hard it is for me to post these blogs or post in the......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-03 14:08:17 | Rating:

| Views: 96 | Comments: 7 | Tags: grrr

hopeless
Ok so I thought I would tell you a little more about why I am here on thoughts......I really wanted a place that no one knew about. Somewhere I could say what I wanted, say what I was feeling and just relax a bit and not worry that certain people I knew would see. I wanted to share with......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-06 03:38:42 | Rating:

| Views: 15 | Comments: 0 | Tags: fear

lost and alone
I am feeling lost and alone. I hate when this feeling comes over me. It covers me like a heavy blanket and I can't get it off. All I want to do is crawl into bed and stay there. All i do is cry and I can't stop. I feel so empty, unwanted and like I have no control over anything. What a horrible......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-07 03:02:52 | Rating:

| Views: 107 | Comments: 6 | Tags: Depression

Grandpa G
I didn't really know Grandpa G until I was 7. That is when my mom and dad divorced and she moved us to California where her parents and sister lived. My grandma and grandpa would have my sister and I come to their house to sleep over and it was so fun. We would go with my Grandpa......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-09 03:36:03 | Rating:

| Views: 114 | Comments: 4 | Tags: loss sadness pain

Where did you go?
“Where did you go?” That is what my daughter asked me yesterday when we were sitting in the living room talking. My mind had wandered off to that dark, sad place it goes quite frequently now days and I didn't even realize it. She saw. She saw me drift off. She saw the sadness cover my......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-14 12:45:13 | Rating:

| Views: 119 | Comments: 9 | Tags: depression

a dream
I feel his soft caress on my face, gentle touch on my hand, warmth of his tender embrace. The brush of his lips upon my brow. his breath on my cheek, pulling me closer now. His lips tenderly pressed against mine,......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-15 03:36:16 | Rating:

| Views: 120 | Comments: 4 | Tags: poem

?
When he was near my heart would flutter, when he spoke it would melt like butter, all I dreamed of was being by his side. But all he wanted was his freedom, he took my heart and left it bleeding, left with nothing I just wanted to die. He told me he would always be here, wipe......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-18 17:48:44 | Rating:

| Views: 14 | Comments: 2 | Tags: poem

done
You are here then you leave so the pattern continually weaves. Here today gone tomorrow leaving me filled with sorrow. Hopes are born hopes they die you never even say goodbye. Same old story never changes why even bother turning pages. I know the end......Read More