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I don't care anymore
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I give up. I am done trying. Nothing I do matters. Nothing ever changes. I am miserable, alone and just plain tired of trying when it all ends up the same. I don't care anymore. What good does that do anyway.
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-05-04 22:07:53
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Views: 56 |
# Comments: 1 | Tags:
i dont care
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A Fool
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Fed on lies of sweet deception,
my eyes were blinded to the truth.
My heart now left broken, bleeding
in the wake of thoughtless youth.
The rules of the game I did not know.
The words were spoken but not meant.
I trusted and believed and let...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-03-31 17:35:00
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Views: 51 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
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nights of frustration
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I love my kids, I truely do and I would never want to be without them, but there are times where I want to just scream. I feel like the most unappreciated person on the planet. It seems like trying to get them to do anything is a struggle, unless its something fun. Wait that is sometimes a...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-03-05 21:10:47
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Views: 65 |
# Comments: 5 | Tags:
54096
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Treasured Memories
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The warm wind rustles the leaves in the trees.
The sounds the smells take me to past summers in a wondrous time.
Swinging on the old bench swing under the trees.
Staring at the patterns of the patchwork quilts that covered the seat.
Laying there staring into...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-02-26 01:41:16
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Views: 51 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
memories
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blogging or lack of
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I know I do not blog much. Lately I have hardly at all. I just get so busy and then sometimes I am not sure what to say. Things are going better, they are not perfect, but I don't suppose they ever will be. That is life. I have a lot of things going on and things I am adjusting to. It can be...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-02-25 14:11:17
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Views: 41 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
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uncertainty
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Butterflies flutter in my stomach.
I am anxious. I am impatient.
I wait for your call, it does not come.
I am lost, I am lonely without you.
Will you break my heart or fill it?
I am afraid, yet I continue on, hopeful.
My thoughts drift to sweet...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-02-24 21:05:18
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Views: 75 |
# Comments: 5 | Tags:
poem
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For Stuart
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I had the privilege of knowing an individual who saw everything with such a great outlook. In the short time I knew Stuart I can honeslty say I never saw him without a smile on his face. Not when he had an angry customer on the phone and not even the last time I saw him, when he told me he found...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-02-17 22:34:22
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Views: 33 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-02-05 22:45:20
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Views: 63 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
badlydrawnstickman
the case
alleen
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I want to hide and wish this all away.
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Something has got to change. I know this. And the only one who can do it is me. That scares the heck out of me. I have to finally say what I really want.
I am sitting here tonight thinking how am I going to do it? I am so scared of what is going to happen.
I have...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-31 05:26:53
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Views: 116 |
# Comments: 7 | Tags:
depression
fear
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done
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You are here
then you leave
so the pattern continually weaves.
Here today
gone tomorrow
leaving me filled with sorrow.
Hopes are born
hopes they...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-21 03:29:58
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Views: 81 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
poetry
depression
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a dream
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I feel his soft caress on my face,
gentle touch on my hand,
warmth of his tender embrace.
The brush of his lips upon my...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-15 03:36:16
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# Comments: 4 | Tags:
poem
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Where did you go?
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“Where did you go?” That is what my daughter asked me yesterday when we were sitting in the living room talking. My mind had wandered off to that dark, sad place it goes quite frequently now days and I didn't even realize it. She saw. She saw me drift off. She saw the sadness cover my...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-14 12:45:13
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Views: 113 |
# Comments: 9 | Tags:
depression
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Grandpa G
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I didn't really know Grandpa G until I was 7. That is when my mom and dad divorced and she moved us to California where her parents and sister lived. My grandma and grandpa would have my sister and I come...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-09 03:36:03
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Views: 103 |
# Comments: 4 | Tags:
loss
sadness
pain
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lost and alone
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I am feeling lost and alone. I hate when this feeling comes over me. It covers me like a heavy blanket and I can't get it off. All I want to do is crawl into bed and stay there. All i do is cry and I can't stop. I feel so empty, unwanted and like I have no control over anything. What a horrible...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-07 03:02:52
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Views: 98 |
# Comments: 6 | Tags:
Depression
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making myself sick
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I am making myself sick eating chocolates. I am so depressed and I can't seem to shake it. I feel like screaming. No matter what I do or try things don't change. I am trying so hard to be positive and be more outgoing. You have no idea how hard it is for me to post these blogs or post in the...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-03 14:08:17
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Views: 87 |
# Comments: 7 | Tags:
grrr
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conversation
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Everyday I face fear
and he faces me back.
I say, "No! I am not afraid of you."
he just stands there and laughs.
"You are afraid to feel,
afraid to go it alone.
You are afraid of rejection,
No one calls YOU on the phone."
...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-03 12:51:36
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Views: 178 |
# Comments: 3 | Tags:
fear
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A place to be me
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I am new to blogging so I am not really sure what to write sometimes. I would write in my journal a lot, especially when I was down. Unfortunatly someone found it and read it so since then I quite writing. It was never meant for anyone to read but me. Well so here I am writing and now anyone here...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2008-01-02 16:23:03
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Views: 72 |
# Comments: 5 | Tags:
thank you
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Looking for friends
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Ok so I am a really shy person, but I am trying really hard not to be. It's easier said than done. I want to break out of this shell and meet new people and make new friends but I have these stupid thoughts that people don't really want to talk to me. So how do I go about making friends? What do...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2007-12-29 02:24:10
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Views: 101 |
# Comments: 6 | Tags:
friends
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Just plain down
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I am so damn depressed. It is really getting to me. I am trying to not be but sometimes I will just start crying. I feel like I am going crazy. I feel such sadness and I feel totally alone. I wish sometimes I could be someone else, be somewhere else. The wieght of it all seems at times too much...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2007-12-28 03:21:04
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Views: 88 |
# Comments: 2 | Tags:
Depression
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Friends?
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I give up. I don't understand what is wrong, I feel totally forgotten. I know this is a busy time of year but to not respond to email or even to say Merry Christmas back......... What the hell am I? Invisible? I mean really they could have sent something back saying Merry Christmas or...
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Posted by:
alleen on 2007-12-23 18:50:24
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Views: 90 |
# Comments: 5 | Tags:
grrr
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