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| Third Day and Counting... |
I had a long, intensification of my Spiritual Journey last night, through my own experience and with a good friend who is also quite sensitive (in a spiritual way). I felt (and continue to feel) that I am under attack, being tested in a place very close to my heart without reprieve, for some very specific reason. I know I have to endure this waiting game to find out the reason that God is trying to fortify my strength. I know that there will be a purpose for this emotional suffering at some point down the road, and for now all I can do is wait- with tight stomach and a heart in my throat. Why should this hurt me so much when I know I have done the righteous things to explain? I have never lied to anyone, or tried to take advantage. I KNOW I AM A GOOD and HONEST PERSON!!! I wish these people could just disappear forever! It saddens me to know that my vacation (since Thursday evening) has consisted of my thinking about these disgusting people. How weak am I?! I wish I had a heart of ice. Why could I not just offer them some money to compensate them and send them away? I cannot actually live with these people when they have exemplified such vulgar tactics?! Working with them no longer seems like an option.
I keep trying to plug away at my own peace and growth, knowing that I have put the truth out there, but I am being painted with a brush that is DRIPPING in pitch black paint, by degenerates. Can you feel my anger?
Today, I want to ask for prayers from all of you for a speedier resolution, where my truth and honesty might be recognized in some way. I also want to ask that everyone pray for my peace and sanity. I will have time, free from work, to see my family and do things that I love, without interruption for over another week. Please join me in asking God for peace for my heart. I know that God wants beauty and peace for me, I am simply having trouble letting all of my angst go and fully letting God carry me (even though I know He wants to). I am sure that you can see I am fighting to rise above.
Also, please let me know how I can help any of you with prayer. I love to focus on others, and right now I am in a world alone. Everyone thinks I am being silly, should "let it go." *heavy sigh*
I hope to have better news, soon. Coming back and writing about this has helped a lot, and I am grateful for those who will listen/read. :)
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Posted by aliceclaudel on 2009-05-24 16:09:10 | Rating: | Views: 45
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