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| Shut Up |
It is truly hysterical to me how ready people are to slam you down with a "one up," or an ignorant comment.
For a few weeks, I struggled with the concept that I have been a singer my entire life (hold on, that's not the problem). I was trained to sing professionally, and in fact, I still do perform, just a bit differently than planned. I still teach all kinds of singers and share my technique with them, and they are successful. I am happy to have some expertise in my field that is useful. My struggle lies here. When I decided that I would not leave a family behind to follow my "opera dreams and plans" (nor could I give up the possibility of having a family) I knew what I would be living without, and felt satisfied. I'm not saying that I did not see a few counselors about it in my time, but I did not make a mistake. I prayed, year after year, that my desire to be the best soloist in the world would diminish. Well, it has...GREATLY. I have virtually no desire to be a soloist at this point. None.
For so long it has been my identity, and recently, I have been scared that if I did not prove myself to my singing colleagues, that I would go down as a "nobody" for eternity. I feel a bit slighted when I realize that maybe "they" don't realize that I still CAN sing many opera roles, and countless solos with great skill. Just because I am not singing them for some wonderful company does not mean that my pipes have rusted and fallen out. BUT, tonight I decalre that I WILL NOT PROVE MYSELF for any reason. Anyone who does not know me and chooses to judge me at face value is not someone to waste time on.
So much more I want to say, but my busy Tuesday beckons. I continue to grow up emotionally, and to take care of myself... nobody else can :)
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Posted by aliceclaudel on 2008-10-21 17:13:41 | Rating: | Views: 53
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