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| Moan & Groan |
I don't have much to say today. I realized around 9:00 AM that I was feeling anxious and a bit sad. When I searched for the answer I returned to the place where I wonder where old friends have gone. Really, I have been in touch (very recently) with some other old friends. I am happy for that, but I realize today that if I am honest with myself, the one I am truly pining over is the "long lost sister friend" from my childhood.
What the heck can I possibly do about not hearing from her? I am nearly sure that if I could ask her right now she would have a million good reasons for why she hasn't been able to talk with me or return any of my messages. I can't exactly be mad at her, but I can share what my reactions are at the moment and get them out.
I am letting something stagnate, and that does not fly with me. I have to share to process. The other day I did meniton this a bit, but I feel it deeply today. I don't need to go back and read the post about how I felt to have her back in my life because those feelings are alive and kicking somewhere in a back corner of my heart. They are pulsating in anticipation of being fully felt, but now is not the time. When will it, or WILL it ever be the time? How could I see such joy on the horizon and then be put in an emotional holding tank to shrivel back up into wondering where she is and what is keeping her so far from me again? She really is like a piece of me that is hundreds of miles away. I am a very whole person in my own right, but a large chunk of how I became this person has her tangled all through it, inextricably. I can NEVER just forget her. Maybe those of you who pray could help me pray for some answers on this. I really just need to know where to place my heart in this matter.
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Posted by aliceclaudel on 2008-11-06 11:12:17 | Rating: | Views: 75
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