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| Many, many changes |
I am REALLY going through some major changes over here. So... I finally made the break, after MUCH whining, and deactivated my Facebook account. YAY!!! I found myself getting so OVERinvolved in actually worrying what people thought of me. I was degrading myself and my emotional progress of the last 15 or so years, by thinking about the perception and acceptance of others. I was having feelings that one has in high school or college. Give me a break. At age 36, at what point should I be defining my mood by what takes place on a WEB SITE?! I was de-evolving into a fifteen-year-old, and it was not making me happy. When it comes down to it, I don't care about a large portion of the "friends" I had on Facebook (well, not any more than I do about other human beings whom I pass on a daily basis- I respect them and wish the best, that's all). Those who were truly important to me will continue being in my life. Some of them are people I love, and I am grateful for the recovery of a few people that I had lost touch with. Now that I have them safely in my e-address book and vice versa, I am well pleased. Beyond that, I have no need for information like, "So and so is having coffee and enjoying a fall morning." That may all be well and good, but NOT RELEVANT TO LIVING LIFE. I had become way too passive in the role that FB was playing in my life. Since when do I have nothing better to do?
I have a lot of writing, for example, that I want to do. I have a lot of drawing and painting, and NOT soloing to do. I also have to come up with a long term plan for what happens when I decide that I will no longer be teaching privately. It is not coming up immediately, but I fully plan on making that exit within the next three years. Some tide is turning (as I have probably said countless times, by now). I see the water rushing towards me, and up until now, I thought I might run away and take the easy way out, to please people... you know, remain complacent and do "the right thing." Well, I am finding that that which I am convicted to do is not what others might expect anymore.
In celebration of my recognition of said change, I will venture out and purchase some hair dye that is the color of melted, dark chocolate. I want to do it because it will make me happy, and because I want my outside to reflect (to some degree) the internal change that is transpiring. It is a small change, but my other changes are coming slowly and methodically as well, so why not?!
I continue to solidify my thoughts about everything, but I think that leaving FB was a strong decision on my part. Granted, my really awesome Film Club (that primarily I was interested in) is no more. All of my reviews are gone...kind of. I think I may just resume the weekly films here on my blog and review them here. Anyone who reads is welcome to comment each week. We'll see how it comes together.
For now, I am off to the store to peruse said hair dyes in melted chocolate shades. Wish me luck. Soon, no one will recognize me, and I don't mean just because of my hair ;)
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Posted by aliceclaudel on 2008-10-26 15:45:38 | Rating: | Views: 68
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