Thoughts.com Blogs - Finally...she has returned!

View Blog

Finally...she has returned!

In one of my first blogs (one which saw my biggest rant about feeling hurt and alone, largely feeling sorry for myself because of things brought on in the "Facebook Community") I spoke of my childhood best friend. I won't tell you her name. She knows who she is, if she ever reads this. I spoke about losing contact with her mysteriously, and never really understanding how or why. Well, I am still in the dark about how or why, but last night, out of the blue... There she was on FACEBOOK, of all places, requesting my friendship, only fifteen minutes after joining the web site.

I was in shock. How many times have I considered getting off of FB and going back to life unexposed to former colleagues, etc.? I contemplated it just this week. I came so close to just shutting down my account. If I had, I would have missed my chance to finally hear from her by just three days. After more than two years...three days might have severed me from her for good.

I am sounding dramatic, like a heavy romance novel written for weepy fourteen-year-olds. That's OK. I am compelled to write today because of all that I am feeling. In the past, I would dream about her and within a day or two I would hear from her and she would say, "I have been thinking about you." It was always uncanny, but we were like that. We had a connection. She was the closest thing to a sister I have ever known (an only child with a strict family). All of my memories growing up, since age 9 when we met, contain her...her words, her smile, her face, the things we had in common, and apparently, still do (I find as I read her FB profile). Lately, I dream about her all the time (but it was not followed by her contact, until now).

I sent her a message, a very brief message. It barely touches what I want to say, ask, share, shout at the top of my lungs... "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY MOST LOVED FRIEND?!" Could anyone understand these feelings? Am I just dramatic? Usually, I would say, "YES!" Today, I say... How else can I feel when I have never been able to let her go?! She is part of me and who I am. As much as I have changed, I am sure that pieces of her remain with me and my mannerisms, daily. This is important. this is what I want to say to her, but I have not heard back from my message. I hope that I will. When (if) I do, will I say these things? Will I pretend just merely to be pleasantly surprised, or will I let her know how I have longed to hear her voice again?

I share this with you in order to let out some of the pain that her absence has sparked. I want to speak of this first sense of relief and let my heartache subside a bit. I wish that I could say more, that I could even more articulately give a piece of my soul up to those who let their eyes roll across this catalog of blabbering. She is back. Thank you, God. Thank you for letting me know that I am still somewhere in her heart as well. I can sleep now. I can drive and listen to my favorite songs from the 80s (from our childhood) that remind me of her and not feel the hole in my middle that throbs when I think of the time when, "this or that happened"...with her..."but now she is gone." She is there and healthy and thriving.

I must stop rambling and go one with my day, but I will keep checking for that message to be returned. I hope to know more, and maybe, someday, for us to meet again and to move on from here...wiser for the wear, friends for 27 years.

Posted by aliceclaudel on 2008-09-20 11:48:35 | Rating: