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| Still Calling the Shots |
I am still having a ball with a recent development in my personality. I have started telling people exactly what I think when I am thinking it (when they are, pardon my French, jackasses). I have gotten over, for the most part, my constant need to have everyone LIKE me. I figure if someone is already disrespecting me, why in the world do I want their liking. Respect is much more important. I figure that the least you can do for yourself when a person treats you questionably is to stand up for yourself. With a firm but calm tone, express your point of view and close the subject. For too long, I have NOT done this and then gone home to be upset on my own while the hurt festers inside of me. VERY refreshing.
This weekend my chorale will be performing a VERY difficult work by Stravinsky. Half of the choir has quit because they either didn't like it or didn't think they could do it. Sad, but true. I am absolutely eating it up. I am so proud of myself for spending the extra time to work on this piece and perform it correctly when so many said (and continue to say) that it couldn't be done. What personal victory. I am genuinely excited. In fact, I think I will write to our director and tell him about my excitement. He needs to know that some of us are not bailing and do not hate this selection.
On the homefront, I have finally heard from my beloved childhood friend. As expected, she did have some very strong reasons for having gone missing for a bit. My patience is renewed, even though we haven't had the time between us to set a time to have a long talk on the phone. It will happen soon, and how wonderful it will be to hear her voice and how she responds to me and vice versa. It will be like finding an old teddy bear in the attic and feeling the flood of comfort that always came with that furry friend as a sick or scared child. We did not have a perfecct childhood, but we had the best times together and were so close. In these 27 years, we have only had three major arguments that I can think of. Can't wait to get moving. Now, do remind me of this fresh optimism the next time I get impatient.
Finally, I have been really annoyed, lately (and by "lately" I mean this morning and yesterday afternoon) by e-mails from my former mother-in-law. At first, I thought she just needed an ear, but now I see that I am in the middle of her relaying information that makes her family seem more sympathetic that they seemed in the past. My ex-husband has stopped communicating with them and I am now the touch point for them and the kids. Not a problem, except, despite my position of not being the middle man (which I expressed to her up front) I am now hearing explanations of how things went down when we were married and who caused what to happen. I may have been in the dark about some of it, but they still did and said some things to really hurt me. I have pushed that all aside and now she is dragging it back up to explain to herself what is happening to their relationship. I am sorry for her, as a mother, but just now I was even reminded of a college friend who shut me out of her life (except when she was preaching at me for being a bad Christian) when I started my divorce rolling. Heck, I don't need to hear about this garbage. If I wasn't sure that leaving Rochester was good choice eleven years ago, well I am POSITIVE now. What a bunch of mess. That part of my life is, officially, dead. I will bring with me a handful of real friends and stop being notalgic about things that deliver me to the doorstep of heartache and the betrayal of former friends. SCREW THAT! Pardon me, but it makes me somewhat mad.
I pray for a better day to unfold. It has started out pretty crappy.
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Posted by aliceclaudel on 2008-11-12 10:34:30 | Rating: | Views: 114
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