Ok, I am going to try and erase all lies I have added to my life. End all fasards and hope that me, just as I am, is enough for everyone around me.
I can't help but think it is not going to be enough for people to stick around but I feel I have to try don't I? I get more and more scared that I am not being my true self, that maybe my true self is not there anymore. What if I don't know how to be myself, because to be honest...I don't know who I am.
I want to find things I love, find a job that I want to wake up for. Find a love that respects and loves me for who I am what ever my character, intelligence and sexuality may be.
I'm gonna throw this question out there to anyone that wants to read this....Can you ever truly love someone if you cannot love youself? I'm not trying a Carrie Bradshaw here, I am just trying to find some answers from random people that do not really know me.

I was told the other day that maybe I was too independant, and that if I didn't show that I needed anyone once in a while then no one will come along....is that so? I do need people I just find it hard to show such vulnerability, maybe it will take someone really strong to get through and make me show my weaknesses 'cause believe me there are many.
I do want to fall in love but I am afraid of it, I don't want to show my weaknesses for fear of them thinking I was not worth it, or they couldn't handle me. Like showing someone how shy I really am, that I can cry, I can hurt and I can feel alone.
I am always the one giving advice and being the shoulder for others to cry on. Some people are really selfish and are too busy wrapped up in their own lives to take the time out to help me with mine. I am sick of being the happy one, I want to feel comfortable enough to show all when I am depressed and hurting. I am not happy all the time but that is all people see because I hide it, I brush it off like it's nothing, then people are like " ah, she's always happy...I wish I was always happy". I'm not and I wish someone would see that for a change !