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This is my first ever blog...it's the only thing I feel I can do at the moment. I have alot of thoughts both hidden and out to for everyone to see.
I'm sitting here on my bed at 8.45 in the evening on a sunday, watching my sex and the city dvd's. My brother just left again leaving me feeling heart broken after it had only just mended itself.
I better tell you about myself before you sod off to some other blog that sounds more interesting. I'm 23 years old from a relatively small town in England. I have some wonderful parents who have brought me up to be a good woman with morals and ethics. I also have two brothers, one of which is 30 and married, divorced and back together again with his partner and has two little boys who are gorgeous. My other brother has just left home to go to university at the later age of 26. My brother, lets call him B, is the closest person to me and sometimes it's painful to know that. He knows most sides of me, no one knows all of me but he is the one that knows the most, he has gotten in and it kills me that he is away now. I knew it would be hard when he moved away but I just feel like it is another relationship that is going to change and slip through my fingers. Every time I have seen him since he has been gone we have easily reverted back to the way we were, which makes me happy and sad.
I don't have a similar relationship with my older brother D. It's almost like a fatherly relationship, like for some reason I look for his approval with alot of things. I could never tell him some things that I am thinking, like my questionable sexuality or my hatred for all things conventional. My parents and my eldest brother are the defintion of conventional....which makes it difficult for me.
What do you do when you feel you can't air your messed up confused life with anyone in the world?!
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Posted by alias1884 on 2007-10-21 13:38:16 | Rating: | Views: 96
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Stop the presses! A young woman who is confused and doesn't know what to do about her life/family! Breaking news!
Um, not so uncommon...and the more these posts pop up on here, the more I see the need for some SERIOUS therapy sessions...and not the sort of therapy I am familiar with which only seems to let people talk to themselves and work out their own problems. That is basically what those like you seem to be out here to achieve. Self therapy. But, I am not sure this is the way or place to air the utmost private laundry. I am not saying don't post this stuff at any time...but choose words and settings carefully. Information is power, and some feed off others' woes...find the weak points to attack just for kicks.
Let me ask, if I may, do you know your astrology? Are you an Aquarius? Cuz there are some tell tale signs of Aquarian energy here. It may not be in your birth sign. But, unique outlook, questionable sexuality(although that can often appear in those born between late june-july and scorpios as well)...I start to get that vibe.
Also, you have become so close to your siblings--the last time I felt that closeness, I was 10(since then it has faded greatly)--that separation anxieties are in high cycle. I get that way when I am lucky to have a good day with one of my sibs and then have to go back to lonesome reality. It's hard. It gives you shakes like a drug addict in withdrawal. I am always working towards moderation of emotion...being able to share time with people and then say "okay, that was fun and diverting, but now I gotta get serious again." I haven't mastered this at all yet...but I hope to and will have to work on it. Take deep breaths. Hang onto hope. And, try to find others and other ways you can interact...online even with chat or message boards(or even blogs like this--but again, watch how much personal stuff you put out there). Try not to rely on any one person any more than you must rely on yourself. Take care of you and try to occupy alone time with hobbies.
Think about it.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2007-10-21 13:56:43
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Aha! Well, though I am glad you filled out the profile, I would recommend perhaps less info or privacy settings.
I say AHA as I find you are NOT an Aquarius--as I last surmised--so then it is not the birth sign that is the issue...probably something more internal, love sign/nature or the way you socialize sign. And, you were born a rat year(chinese astrology). Rats can be VERY clingy. When they have someone to hold hands with...it is very difficult to let go. So, at least know that it is simply in your nature to be as you are. What strikes me as odd and would require further analysis is the "unconventional" aspect based on what I now know. In essence of birth natures, you should be a rather traditional, guarded, private, worrisome person with a humble, gentle kind-hearted way of loving others(with a slight penchant for complaining/fretting maybe). But, like I am implying, it is not a simple science. If interested, I am willing to help with any astro/psych questions...otherwise, seek out books(I happen to know many rat and dragon years have a thing for aquiring info).
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2007-10-21 14:06:46
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