blame me. if that makes you feel better hate me.  disinclude me in everything and make me a stranger in our apartment if that's what it takes.  but i'm never going to be happy for you.  i can't imagine how horrible it has to be to be unable to function without your boyfriend.  to not have friends. to not go out. to have to depend on someone in order to do anything.  how does that feel? how does that complete you?  if you can't be complete and happy on your own what are you ever going to be able to give to someone else?  I really don't understand and honestly I'm not sure I care to understand.  I choose to live my life in an independent manner and I never want to know what it's like to have to depend on someone in everything I do and especially for my well being.  I want to be happy alone.  I want to enjoy the time i have by myself.  I want to unwind and watch movies by myself once and a while.  cook a meal just for me. sleep alone so i can hog the whole bed.  someday i do hope to give that up.  i do hope to share my life with someone... but never in a way that engulfs everything that i am.  i'm far too independent.  i cannot be suffocated in this manner and I refuse to be.  I want to be with soeone who can share in my independence by having his own.  i want to be able to go out with friends while he goes out with his.  i want the time together to be special... not a constant.  i need to be able to breath on my own and not depend on a respirator.  figuratively speaking of course. 

in my life i need my friends.  if you don't need me any longer that's fine. but don't turn everything into my fault just because you can't handle your own life and what it has become.  but i guess being a friend means doing what is best for someone... so if it's best for you to make me out to be a horrible person. then do it.  i'm always playing the bitch card when it comes to my honesty so why not now when your miserable and needing somewhere to place your anger.  just please don't ever try to damage me for what you have chosen in your life.  because remember.  i'm happy on my own.  i don't need that respirator. 

i have amazing friends.  friends that have their own lives.  friends that want to shair their lives with me and become involved in mine.  just because you'll never be able to share in something such as i do don't blame me.  don't be angry because you never get asked to do anything.  don't be angry because no one wants to hang out with you and your air tank that you need to carry around.  your airhead of a boyfriend is aweful but if that's the respirator that helps you breath. so be it.  do what you must. but don't do unto me.  i have enough going on in my life without dealing with your bullshit and it's not fair for me to have to unload all of this onto the people that actually care that i am here. remember... i am actually a human. that may never have occured to you that i am or that i have feelings... but then again i guess when you take everything and everyone for granted it's hard to grasp even the most basic concepts.