I am so upset! It is now 06:00 a.m. and I still cannot get any sleep, I'm still awake! I was about to go to bed and it was 02:00 a.m., lately I have been having a lot of trouble going to bed. Not sleepy! I have been cracking my jaw excessively and one day is going to brake in half. I wish I could stop. I tried all kinds of things and ed up clenching my teeth so hard I get a temple headache, facial and neck pain. I think is because of this rage and ticked off feelings I have. Here is one of the reasons. It is my son and his girlfriend.
He came home and went to bed about midnight. Wouldn't you know about 02:00 a.m. I heard someone messing with my front door knob as if they were trying to get home. A fee minutes later I heard someone pounding on my sons bedroom window, his room is next to mine. It was his girlfriend. She had fallen asleep on her bed while they were together and he came home because he wanted to be alone and sleep in his own bed. She walked up and got upset and came for him. She would not let him be alone if she can help it, except when she goes to work.
But as soon as she done for the day she shows up at my door step. She is so worried he will cheat on her because she cheated on him and both play that stupid game. She is about 20 years old and very inmature and has bipolar.
She is a good girl and I like her but both get into fights and I have to get them out of the house which makes me feel awful to do that. I have little peace with my son, he has a lot of emotional problems and should be on medication but he won't go see a psychiatrist. He went to school to be an electrician and now can't find a job. So he does odd jobs here and there but not enough for him to move out on his own and he refuses to get a different kind of a job because he says they think he is a druggie on account of the way he looks, he is so thin and tall, plus wears baggy pants.
I do not live luxuriously by any means. I have worked since about 10 yrs. old as a mother's helper then at 16 I went to work and been working since. I own my own home, do all the repairs in the house that I can do. I have no car payment, and very few expenses other than standard utilities, food, phone, etc., and my kids. My daughter now 21 went to live with her boyfriend before getting married. They want to know if they are compatible and if it would work before they get married. She was not too much trouble and helped out.
My son, who is 26 yrs. old is the cause of all my heartache and misery. He lives here part time like. That is he sleeps with his girlfriend at her father's home and hangs around my home with her every day. None of them gives me money. He does gives me some when I tell him too, but with a resentful attitude. I feel like I am getting no respect at all.
I am divorced not by my choice. His father never cared for the kid. I had to do it all. Now I am tired and want some peace. I find myself hating my life. I have a lot of bills to pay like utilities, house repairs, taxes, groceries, a cat, and the list never ends. I am having an extremely hard time making ends meet. I don't go out, I don't shop unless is on sale or at a second hand store. I seldom go to the movies or out to dinner. I don't spend my money foolishly, yet it seems I never have enough money for my bills, never mind anything for me personally. I haven't taken a vacation in 15 years. I am becoming very bitter about working so hard my whole life and feeling like I have nothing. When I was living at home and working I had to pay rent if not my father would put me out.
I have tried so hard to teach my son to be self reliant, I have even told him to leave several times and he goes but ends up sleeping in crazy places, like in my shed or his car. It scares me that I will find him dead one day. I want him to be capable of running his own life, make a living and just fly right.
Here is 2009 and I still in the same situation of years back. I am about to move out and sell the house sell the house but renting around here in PA is very high. God forgive me for been so angry! !!
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