Oh, dear!  I just called my doctor's office to make an appointment for flu like symptoms.  My 25 yr. old son came down with some nasty virus and of course, now I am sick and my 21 yr. old daughter is experiencing symptoms.  Darn!  Is May and we are sick.  It is raining now this Monday after Mother's Day.  Very windy it feels and looks like a tropical storm.  I spent most of Mother's Day laid out  on my bed like an dead salmon by the river bank after having spawn. 

The other night I had a horrific nightmare I was screaming in my sleep.  I was dreaming there was a big flood and I had all these little children with me and they would not listen to me to stay away from the river's edge.  Then they ran towards ta bridge that was over this swollen river and each one of them doved into the water rapids rushing under the bridge. All these little kids were now in the water .   I stood outside the river unable to move and I watch as all of kids were swept away by this mighty river wave that came rushing down from a mountain side. 

I was finally able to run across the street for help were I saw a crowd of people standing and watching this horrible scene.  Nobody would help nor move,  they just stood there silently watching the children and me.  Some of my family members were there and they were silent and staring at me too.  I felt they were condeming me and saying with there stares that it was all my fault.   I was to blame for not been able to control the children.  

I found myself standing my a weird, long and wide cement canal.  Much to my surprise, a few moments later, as I stood by it's banks the kids started to come in out of the water that was a distance away from the canal.  They all seemed fine.  I notice one kid was missing and these was the most troublesome kid.  These kid was like the ring leader making all of the others behave very badly.  After dark, the kid showed up a bit beaten up by the waves.  As I tried to help him he began to get smaller and smaller until he was almost a new born baby.  I had to bathe this baby now and my big sister started to take the baby from me because she claimed I didn't know how to do it right.  We started to fight over who was going to bathe this baby and all mayhem broke loose and all the kids, family, strange uknown people started rioting around me.  So I let my sister have the baby and I ran into a room in the house we were staying  and locked the door behind me to escape the riot.  

Later, in my dream.  I found myself cleaning the house floors and I was not happy about it.  When I was done some people yelled out that we had to leave the house that our time was up.  I was dirty and smelly and I wanted to take a shower but all the showers were taken and when one became available I could not get into it for some reason.  

I hate having those living nightmares.  I wake up my household.  My daughter told me she heard me yelling.  This nightmares usually come when I am very stressed out, sick, there has been a death in my family or something terrible was going on.  I have visited doctors to put an end to my living nightmares but all they want to do is give me sleeping drugs and I don't like and I won't take any drugs when I go to bed because I need to be able to jump out of bed and be on my feet and ready for action in case there is an emergency at home with one of my kids or the house.  It has been like these for years and years after I got married and have to do it all.  Care for the kids, house, work 8 hour job and you name it, I was the one who did all the work.  My ex-husband was always working late and after that having beers with his friends.  All the emergencies accidents and sicknesses with me and the kids I endure alone.  I think I am traumatized emotionally.