I am so tired, burned out, exausted and just feel like crashing! Every day I look at my scheduled and pick the chores and labors that need to be done in a priority, must do. It has been like this for so many years. I wish I could relax and do the things I love to do. Even when I do something I enjoy I feel guilty, rushed that I am not doing what I am supposed to do, the things that demand time and attention now.
When it comes to helpers, I have some but with very little time, and my priorities are not their priorities. I get nothing but excuses, complaints, attitudes and to top the cake instructions how things should be done. I am so irritable when this happens because I don't want to waste time explaining why a chore must be done, neither do I want instructions how it should, it musn't, is best etc. can be done. I just to yell, JUST DO IT! There is so much resistance that I were out and end up doing it myself. Now, that really ticks me off!
It is funny or incredible how our young adults think that we as parents are infantile, idiots, mentally challenge, even wacco when it comes to things they don't want to do. I keep repeating to my young adult kids. You are alive because I took care of your every needs. I raised you both alone and working 3 jobs. I gave over a 100% of me and got nothing in return but the satisfaction of seeing that you kids made it to where you are now without been on drugs, in jail, or heavens knows what. You kids treat me now as if I just got of a space ship from another galaxy and have no clue on how the earth and humans live. Gosh, I can't even decorate my house, yes, my house, I pay all the bills, all the taxes and all the repairs, that makes it more of my house than anything else. Diminishing my authority is wearing me out.
My son who is 25 years old complaints that I don't cook. I told him I hung up my cooking apron after they graduated from high school. Get your own food! He tells me, "Mom, look how skinny I am." As if I had something to do with it. Darn! They are going to school right now and I am paying and carrying them for a couple of more years. What the heck do they want from me, my body is falling apart from exaustion. Their father has divorced them and given them very little attention in money, love, or even respect. My heart grieves over these. I keep and have kept many horrid truths about his past and present behavior from my kids because I don't want them to hate their father. I don't want to kill a change however remote that maybe some day he will change his ways and God willing he will seek out the kids and try to make ammends for all the hurt and damage he had inflicted upon them. I keep my mouth and let the kids come up with their conclussions. Why bad mouth their father it will only serve to hurt the kids more and I don't want them to suffer. How can someone who marries, makes a vow, now turns around and discards his family without any remorse, seeking only his pleasures. He just came back from a trip of two weeks in South America with his girlfriend. Prior to this vacation, his kids asked him to help them pay their school tuition and he refused, saying he had no money.
When they learned of his vacation to South America they were very upset. This behavior promoted more emotional distress in their hearts as they see who is his priority. Not that he cared that much before, but at least try to make ammends for the way you have treated your family. This person has no remorse and in his world their is only one God, and that is him.
I want to have a boyfriend, a male friend. I have not dated anyone for years in order that the kids don't get more confused and create more family problems. Now that they are fully grown I would like to share my life with a decent, loving, Christian man. I have been so out of the dating game for so long I feel a bit insecure about going into it again.
My daughter has saved up a lot of money because I had helped her so very much. She wants to move out and purchase her own home. She is a dynamo of goals and she always works very hard for what she wants and I am very proud of that. But she is running on the red all the time when it come to energy and time. She holds a job, and goes to school. I feel so bad for her when she comes home late at night from working and she looks she is ready to drop. I don't expect much from her because I know she has a lot to do. Right now she is studying for her finals in dentistry.
My son, is a complainer. He works hard but complaints, his 2 cars both are busted mechanically he did an electrical job for his father and was paid. That is the only way his father will give him money if he works for him. Never any "I love you son," here is a 20.00 get yourself some good lunch. No, is always, what are you going to do for me. It brakes my heart how he has treated his kids all these years. I don't understand it at all. That is his only son and his only daughter and he does not value them at all.
Well, I had my share of venting. Thanks for reading this blog and if you have any suggentions feel free to let me knowl. Edee
