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Fuck the World Cause its Easier then Feeling anyth

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Fuck the world cause that is easier than feeling anything or talking to anyone or dealing with any of this emotional bullshit that i have had to put up with in the past two weeks since junior year ended. But if i don't fucking deal with it i never will over it cause it will Haunt me. But first let me introduce myself. my name is Addi,well not really it is just a nickname from my girlfriend,you don't need to know my real name.No i am not a lesbian, but i am Bisexual. This year i started junior year out straight,with having kissed no one,girl nor boy and i was depressed for reasons I've never been able to understand. And i ended the year,bisexual and in love with this beautiful girl,who shall remain nameless,she was my girlfriend and i wasn't depressed,i was happy, for the most part.

See it was the second time around with my girlfriend, i broke up with her the first time in Feburary,actually, it was Febuaray 24,2009. We would have been dating for 6months as of March 11th. I broke up with her for lots of little reasons and one big reasons,she was cutting and i used to and at the point i was really hurt by what she did and i knew why she did it and anyway we broke up. And i told two okayish friends Julez and Izzy before i told,anyone that Mattered,sorry. I told someone i knew i could trust on February 25th,his name is Nathan. I told him and he took me aside to talk to me everyday for the next few weeks. Honestly him and i would fight sometimes but almost every single day from 2.25.09 he took time to talk to me. He is now my best friend.

So now back to the end of junior year.Everything was alright,until friday night the 12th.

Oh yea i forgot to tell you my girlfriend is poly,she also had a boyfriend who was tottally cool and aware that she had a girlfriend. You should also know i got back together with my girlfriend on the tuesday June 9th. That we fooled around,you know.

Anyway so thrusday the 11th i realized that i made a mistake in timing with my girlfriend. And by friday i was thinking Ultimatium. I didn't want anyone to know that i made a mistake,but i had to tell nathan, so i did and he said he already knew. I told my girlfriend and she said she would give me time to figure out my thoughts and she would respect what ever descion i made.

So friday night i am at a party, and about like six o clock i get a call. From a very freaked out Nathan. He said to me "take care of Lucy'. Lucy is his girlfriend.i was slightly freaked and made him explain to me what he was saying.Long story short he broke up with her and then realized it was a mistake. So after talking to Lucy,i was concicved that she was fine,i talked to her about my girlfriend.She helped me come to my conclusion. Ultimatium. Come seven that night i couldn't take it anymore i had to do it,so i called her and said " me or him" there is no middle, it isn't right. I said she could take her time but honesty i knew the anwser and just wanted it to be over,it was him she would pick. Later i called to check on Nathan,neither of us was fine and i started crying telling him about what i had to do and he was crying cause he was uspet. It was all bad. I told him Katrina was headed to the party cause she was worried about me. So when Katrina gets there we talked for like an hour. I go back to the party and was having an awesome time with these nerdy friends of mine. When Katrina calls saying that i had to go outside now.
I ran across the street and was like what.She showed me a text from my girlfriend saying "tell Addi i am sorry and i love her ",i was like what the fuck, and she's like "i don't know why but she's in the hosptial". I knew right away why and i started having a panic attack and collasped into tears on the sidewalk. She explained to me everything she knew. and all i could say was"it was my fault". Katrina kept telling me i was wrong and that i don't even know what happened. She asked what could she do. My first response call Nathan. She did and said " Addi is having a panic at and her girlfriend is in the hosptial and she wants to talk to you" I was sobbing in the background. He said " tell her i am sorry i am not allowed to talk right now".Later that night i found out she was being held in the hosptial, she need stiches and Katrina and my girlfriends father were moving in with her.

Come the next day i call to check on Nathan,and also tell him that she tried to kill herself.

Posted by addineverwas on 2009-07-01 14:07:06 | Rating: