I denied the truth. Times I believed that moments would last forever. I miss being in my grandmothers arms as a child, with only the worries of what time I would go to bed or when I would get to go out and play. Now the fears grow, the world is cruel and the sunset is coming. As I leave this place I take the memories with me. Some of the best. The days when my aunts would be at my grandmothers house, playing cards and drinking coffee. My uncle playing with us in the backyard. My grandmother cooking dinner with my mom and the chimes dancing in the summer wind.
My brother Alex and I, playing for hours. The best of friends. My uncle sitting with me on the LTD bus, just us, having a talk. Blakes touch. My grandmother saying prayers with me. My father and mother. My brothers.
I miss looking across the room, the glance of her eyes. Everytime she walked out the apartment door, a piece of me would follow with her. I never got it back, i never want it back. Its a part of me that she will always have. Its my heart. I miss being in corvallis. The beautiful view from my room, it was everytime i looked in her eyes. I miss her so much. Here i am a zombie. I keep the pills to numb the pain i feel within my body. I drink the alcohol to sedate my bleeding heart. The island takes a toll on me. If ever I have been close to death, this is the time. I am so exhausted.