Its amazing the feeling Ive gotten since we broke up. Im like a new person, reinvented. Can you believe that i can actually be without you? Im excited for each new day to bring me new hope and restore me slowly into an amazing person. I want to be amazing for myself and not because ive been influenced by others. in the short time we've been apart ive learned its okay to smile and be this crazy person thats been bouncing around inside of me forever. ive learned to spread my joy of feeling so free onto others by singing and dancing which is something i felt like i could never get past. you mentally strangled me and me me believe that you were the one who was always right. i let you completely control my environment and by doing that i began to lose touch with my inner voice until finally it stopped speaking knowing it would never get past you. I feel so... changed. I met people and theyve given me an outside point of view and then my cloudy eyes began to lear up and see you for who you are. a shallow minded self righteous egotistical asshole at times. i was so in love with you that i no longer viewed you as a person- you became this puzzle piece that god damnit even if you werent the right shape, you were gonna fit into my life no matter what. I made so many sacrifices as a person and i forgot i really have just given up for you. I felt like when we broke up i shouldve been crying for days and wallowing in my self pity. then when i didnt and all i felt was a new light shining through i began to realize ive been over you emotionally physically and mentally for a long time. My inner voice was just muted and couldnt get through.

I know i will always love you but never in a way where i am too weak to move or ina way where i need you. I dont need anyone people just walk into our lives leave footprints on our hearts, some washed away by the ocean of tears we cry- but the ones who stay are true real people, those are the people we should embrace because they would never hurt you intentionally. Those foot prints are there to teach you a lesson help you learn a new thing or remind you to always stay true to yourself and what you believe in.

I believe we didnt work out because you stopped giving and just began taking and whenever you took whatever it was and it became empty- you could no longer feed your soul off of it you began tearing down new walls in my mind no matter how fragile or indestructive i thought them to be. you just took and took and took even if it meant trying to teach me i should rip the one person in my life out that gave me life, let me have my first breath. I dont think i will ever regain the trust and values my mom had in me again because it just became all about you and what you wanted what you needed and how you felt and thought right.

You will not survive in this world being the person you are right now because youve forgotten what its like to love to enjoy the simple things in life and find a passion outside of yourself. and you know what? I dont have to feel guilty for finding happiness in my self or having a good time.

Not coming home because i stayed the night has just been complete bliss. I dont have to give him anything to recieve a simple compliment. I can be simple with him, lay next to him hold his hand and just breathe. I think to myself.. this is all i want in this moment in time. I dont need to feel anything more than smiling and being happy.

You bring a smile to my face in a way thats never been given to me. I smile just thinking about something as simple as the scar on your right forearm, i think its cute that you notived we have the same knuckle scar and that you like to eat my nose and go 'murr' :). I think its wonderful that youre trying really hard to a gentleman, a gentle person and that you care enough to say you like me but dont want to fuck things up. Its nice that youre making an effort and not just thinking of yourself.