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Is There a Polite Way to Say Shut Up?

We all need friends to tell our problems to and talk about our lives, sure. That's what relationships and fellowship is all about. But when is it okay to stop being interested in every little detail about your friend's life? Sure, tell me about what's going on in your life, what made you happy or sad today, but for eff's sake I do not need play by play!

I now introduce you to my friend Cecily, (names have been changed). Cecily and I quickly became close friends in just a few months time, (which is rare for me), and have now been best friends for just over a year. Two months ago she moved out of her parent's house, which is 45 minutes away, for the first time and into my apartment complex. We "bonded" on a new level last September when her high school boyfriend of five years broke up with her. She's 23 now. The otherwise together girl had to be put on anti-depressants and some other drug I can't remember. She cried every day at work, and was on my couch every weekend for about two months. The constant moral support goes without saying. (skip to a few months down the road, I was going through something with a guy and all she ever offered was negative advice, but that's another blog.)

In the last month it has come to my attention that she is one of those girls who "needs" a boyfriend. Not only have I gathered this from all the whining and complaining, but she has just flat out said, "I'm one of those girls." This is particularly annoying because I am not. Sure it's nice if someone tolerable is around, but if not, I'll live... happily. She has been dateless for about two months since the last guy she was with said he was moving away and never did. (Which I still hear about, but that too is another blog.) And in those two months I've had to hear 'why can't I find a guy to go out with?' 'why can't I find someone who [insert a bunch of romantic bs here].

So two weeks ago she ran into a guy she went to high school with who she hadn't seen in six years. She went to work, found him on myspace, and began to re-establish contact. He replied with his number. Since then, she has texted and called first 9 times out of 10 communications. After not hearing from him all last week, she texted him on Friday and asked him out Saturday. She texted him again on Saturday afternoon and he asked if she wanted to join him and his friend for lunch and a movie, (which she couldn't go to because of a prior commitment.) For the rest of the day they played, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" when trying to make plans for that evening. He kept telling her he couldn't decide because he was at his friend's house.

So Cecily and I went out for an early dinner and went to the park, (where she also talked about...let's call him Bradley), and when we returned to our complex at 8-ish, she decided to get dressed and wait for him to call at my apt. Fine. My plans for the night were cancelled, so she'll be here for just a bit before I can get on with my plan B for the night. Well, 9:30 rolls around and Bradley calls. He decides he's going with his friend to the lake. I'll admit, that was pretty crappy, but the rest of the night was RUINED. The girl goes to bed at 9 or 10:00 every night, but not tonight! She immediatley starting man-hating, getting depressed, and re-capping the events trying to make sense of what just happened. Did I mention I work six days a week and this was my first weekend night off in two weeks? So I take her into downtown because she wants to just "go somewhere", and at 11:30 I finally call it quits and say I'm about to crash. The next day, which is my first day off in two weeks, the texts start with how she's bored today. #*%$!! Bradley said he would call her sometime today, so for every hour that he didn't, (small exaggeration), I got a text about it. I also got the one at 8:30 when he just showed up. Followed by the phone call telling me how super excited she was and how the hug lasted a good 7 seconds which is of course longer than a "just friends" hug that lasts only a second or two, RIGHT? And they held hands for a few seconds right after that. Then she was so excited she couldn't even sleep!

I replied to that text with, "Take a sleeping pill."

So today, the next day, she tells me she texted him to tell him what a good time she had. I advised her to let him make a first move once because wouldn't it be nice to see if he's actually interested? But after an office poll of what she should do, even though the "nays" had it, she texted him anyway. And where all the other times it took him forever to reply, this time he did it immediatley!

Then she called me at lunch to tell me just how excited she is. "No, really, you have no idea how excited I am right now!"

During the last two weeks I have had to hear phrases like: "I want him to be my boyfriend." "I have not felt this way about someone since [ex boyfriend from September]." "You have no idea how smitten I am!" "He's sooooo freakin' hot!"

Now, before you start thinking I have no interest in my friend's life or that I am not guilty of the same on some level, there is one key element here that is missing. SMALL DOSES. I can't hear this shit every single day periodically throughout the day! I do not like confrontation with friends, and I just let things build and build until they aggrivate the complete snot out of me. Like now. The tricky party is, I'm not real good at trying to cover up my true feelings. When she sent me the text this morning about "So I have 2 votes for no contact and 2 votes for texting later to say I had a good time last night, i'm confused", my reply was "Just pick one, there's no right or wrong." What I really wanted to say was, "I DON'T F-ING CARE!" I gave you my two cents last night when I suggested you wait to hear from him, what more do you want from me?! And to that she replied, "My brain isn't working today. Is it bothering you that this is all I talk about?" Loaded question. I wanted to say 'YES! yes yes yes!'. But I can't do that because unlike some people that I may be talking about, I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings. So I just replied, "No, but I don't have all the answers and I don't want to steere you into a direction you don't like." And then I kind of felt bad because she said, "True, but you're the only one I trust."

How the deuce am I going to get out of this? (does anyone else hear Waylon Jennings narrating right now? Dukes of Hazzard? Anyone?) Well anyway, I have to figure this out and quick. We're taking a road trip this weekend and we're going to be side by side for 48 hours straight. How do I tell my friend that while I do want to be there for her should she really need me, I can't deal with the constant earful? One reason why I avoid [romantic] relationshps myself is because I don't like the headaches and bullshit that usually comes with. I sure as hell don't want that if I'm not in the relationship.