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I've been going out with this guy for about nine months now. I really love him but I just dont think I'm ready to go all the way with him yet. He says he understands and he'll wait but I can tell he doesn't really want to. Lately it seems he's been pressuring me more and more. Like he wants to start having oral, which seems kinda gross to me and i dont really enjoy it all that much. But I have been doing it to make him happy, but not very often. On monday, I go back home to see him and I know that as soon as were alone he'll pull the whole "but we haven't seen eachother for over a week" stunt. I want to be with him and have sex but for some reason I keep pushing him away and I dont know why. I think the main reason is that every other guy I've been close to has turned out to be a user or jerk or something like that. Like Ben, he just asked me out to prove I'd say yes. Nick, it was long distance and we decided not to tell anyone. Later, after we had been going out for like four months he sends me this letter saying "I've got a new girlfriend so I can never talk to again" I actually liked this guy then he did that, I couldn't believe it. I was so upset for like ever but no one knew about him so I couldnt really tell people about it. Then last summer, there was Cody which I knew right away wouldn't work because this is how he asked me out, "I was going to ask out your friend but since I'm with you, I'll just ask you but if you say no, I'll still ask her out" Like right there I should have known to stay away from him. I did, however say no. But that never stopped us from getting close. Like really close. I hadn't even known him for a month, that's how fast it was. Anyways, after awhile I found out he was doing almost the same thing with my best friend. So I stopped talking to him. This also upset me because I was beginnning to fall for him. Even though he was a user. So with all these guys using me, I think that if I let myself get to close to my current boyfriend the same thing will happen, he will end up using me. I guess I shouldnt really think about it though. Just put my fears behind me. Well, I should go now Bye bye xoxoxo
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Posted by _skerk_ on 2007-08-11 17:17:22 | Rating: | Views: 158
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You shouldn't make someone pay for mistakes that another person has made. But, you should always go with your gut feelings! :)
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Posted by LuLu
on 2007-08-11 17:52:42
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hi skerk,
it sounds to me like you are not comfortable with the relationship. if you are not comfortable then you need to explore why that is. ask yourself the important questions. stay in with the right answers or get out if they are wrong. stand back and take a good look at what's happenning and then GOOOO!
good luck!
cheers!
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-08-11 18:09:06
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Heya.
Boy, do I know how you feel.
As someone who's been there and got past it, I think there's a couple of things that you should think about.
Firstly, who said that if you love someone you have to have sex with them? Surely if he really loves you, then he will be happy just being with you? Once a week or whatever! Guys do want sex type stuff far more than us, but whatever they say, they are more than capable of resisting it. Guys who are looking for "the one" have to remember that one day, when you get old, sex won't even be an option! Is the rest, personality, SOH, moods, eyes (!), beliefs, etc.; enough to keep you together for life? Without sex! Anyone can do oral and sex, it's only good when you know that person insideout and learn how you work together.
Think how hurt you felt about those guys before? I'm sorry, it absolutely wasn't fair on you. But guess what, it's always the nice girls that get used that way. ie. The ones that are the prize catch for the rest of some lucky guys life.
I know being single is really lonely, but surely you're worth billions more than quick sex as a trade off for a guy who isn't really thinking of you first. I think you know that's true, just by the fact you decided to post it.
I waited years for the right guy, as a TOTAL virgin. I hated it the whole time, but then suddenly my path crossed with someone I'd never met. Yeah, he wanted sex, and yeah he pushed the boundaries sometimes, I'm a Christian and he's not you see; but when I told him it wasn't fair to keep pushing me for something I couldn't do yet even though I wanted to!! - He stopped, that minute. He's now my fiancee, and we were 2 years before we were engaged. And yeah, I'm ready for sex, I've learned what love is supposed to be. But now he's the one saying let's wait!
I'll shut up now. I get a bit enthusiastic sometimes.
If you can't take all my blerb in, remember this; you are not worth sacrificing your happiness just so you have a boyfriend and don't feel lonely. The right one will love YOU, and sex with you; not just push for sex.
Tell him that, I hope he has the maturity not to scarper, but if he does; you just made a sensible choice of keeping away from those users.
Take care, whatever you decide! These other two are right too! Tx
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Posted by tryingtobeHisangel
on 2007-08-12 06:41:50
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Darling I have to say that I am WAY proud of you! If you're not comfortable with sexual acts then no one has a right to pressure you. I agree that you need to explore your true feelings on this relationship but relationships are way more than sex and you wouldn't want to cave in just to keep him and then have him run as soon as there's trouble. (And Baby, I do mean babies cause that is how they're made whether you do it once or a thousand times)Perhaps you should try to discuss with him the harder issues. Like how you'd both feel if you got preggers, STD's, et al. Believe you me, it's hard to discuss but it's important to know, and perhaps you'll be able to get a better footing if you're able to be frank with each other. Good Luck!
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Posted by Pearle
on 2007-08-12 17:32:53
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I agree with Pearle...do not bindly trust someone, take the proper procautions, and only do it, if you are going to out of love.
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Posted by consistentlyincon...
on 2007-08-13 19:06:51
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Baby Girl, if you have to ask should you then the answer is Absolutely NO! If at anytime you do something that you are uncomfortable with or that makes you question if you should then its NOT for you. Besides.... it is hard being alone, but isn't easier being alone when you are not crying and mad because you were used --- again
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Posted by osunkoya
on 2007-08-15 12:48:47
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