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| Thinking, thinking... |
Since yesterday I've been thinking of a few things, mainly with to do with a few friends and this situation with Josh.
Yesterday, Lucy came into my work to watch This Is It (I work at the movies). I've had a sore spot with Lucy since we lost the close friendship we used to have, scared of trying to renew the closeness though Rose has seemed to keep it just fine. This makes me think that there's something wrong with me and how close I get with her or other people, it must be a strange fault of mine like which I mentioned in my first blog.
Anyway, I want to try and renew the friendship or talk to her more but as I said I'm scared and feel I'm intruding. She's always been a nice girl, though some decisions she has made have always been questionable. She's intelligent (She believes otherwise), looks that boys crave for and a personality that shines as well as being a great friend. As you can see, I admire this girl as a friend even though things are weird.
I'm thinking that in a way the awkwardness between us is all one sided, or that it was caused by me. I'll never know though because I'll never be able to stand up and say "Lucy, why are things weird with us now?"
I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest in a way.
Now Josh, I'm in a relationship but not with him. I'm in a relationship with a boy called Tom. Tom is a nice boy, though socially inept (Is that even how you spell it? Or is it with an E?). He has a hard time trusting and is very loyal to those he does, he also loves me and has since I was year nine (I'm now year thirteen). We dated back then but only for maybe a month or less or more, then he left to live with his mother and broke up with me. We got back together four months ago after not seeing each other for about two years, both realising we had changed and grown. Things had been good at first, I was happy and what-not but soon saw that he could be controlling and twist things as well as guilt tripping without meaning to. This made me realise that actually, he is probably better off being a loyal friend then being a boyfriend.
Josh though, I had met in March. After leaving a message on my crushtag explaining his feelings I was quite taken by him, but for some reason we were talking then not talking then talking then not talking. Sometime after my birthday in June I got with Tom and obviously Josh wasn't happy and soon neither was I, Tom did not seem like dating material in the end. Josh however, is a lovely boy both inside and out. I've fallen head over heels and cannot help but day dream and hope to one day see him. See him yes, as he lives in Utah which is a good while away from me. I suppose it's more silly me for falling in love with someone over the net but this seems to be happening more and more with people talking and what-not on the internet, I know the dangers and if things get bad I know that I only have myself to blame. Either way, Josh would seem a better choice.
Long blog is long, a little rant to say to get off my chest I suppose.
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Posted by Zellian on 2009-11-03 15:44:30 | Rating: | Views: 9
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