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| Stressing out, time and time again. |
It seems now for the last three nights when I've called my boyfriend Tom, I've hung up stressed out, upset and angry.
If he weren't so controlling, anti-social and hating all my guy friends he would be perfect. But who's perfect, right?
Last night instance, he wanted me to come over today and I was like, ok fair enough. Thing is I've made plans for saturday and I wanted to get everything today, food and videos and drinks. I also made plans to talk to Josh after the graduation ceremony is done and I leave (Because seriously, who wants to stay for prize giving if you're not getting a prize). This is all easy enough, I'll stay home for awhile after I grab the items needed for watching kids movies (Yeah, we're such dorks), talk to Josh for awhile and then head out to see him. It's never that easy for him.
It was "Do you want to come over?" or "You don't have to come if it's a hassle" or "What if you do this, this and then this." Things were sorted and then he started to pour on the guilt trips, typical.
I've been having great days, both at school, home and work but just before I sleep I'm always stressed out over him. Always.
In the end though, it doesn't matter. He doesn't know that soon I'm going to be breaking up with him because frankly, he's not boyfriend material and also it's not good to be keeping him and falling madly in love with Josh.
There's one thing I worry about though when I do end up breaking up with him, he won't be in the right mind-set. He self-mutilates, has OD'ed a few times before and is a heavy drinker. If I break up with him he'll go crazy and no doubt hurt himself in some way. He was like this when I dated him back in year nine, but at least back then it wasn't to the point where he could have lost his life. Back then it was doing lighter smileys on your arm and jumping into bushes from high places, now it's taking a million pills, drinking and cutting yourself up pretty bad.
There's just too many factors, the last one holding me back from ending it even though I want him to stay and be my friend though how many people remain friends after a relationship, huh?
Another long blog just to get things off my chest, damn I need a hobby.
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Posted by Zellian on 2009-11-05 13:57:40 | Rating: | Views: 20
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