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So the hubby is gone again. The kids and I had a really bad night, and I think it's because he left on Monday this time instead of Tuesday. I think having him here over the weekend and then leaving just like that was hard on all of us. But the kids are finally asleep, thank goodness. Before I got them down, though, we all cried, we were all upset...they were crying in their rooms, so I got the kids up and we snuggled and were just quiet for a little while. When things had calmed down a little, I put them back in bed, and they fell asleep pretty quickly. I should probably try to get some sleep since I didn't sleep well at all last night...
Tomorrow will be a fairly busy day. I need to do some laundry and take the kids to the store, then I'm going to drop the kids off at my mom's house for a couple of hours so I can meet my sister and the caterer for her upcoming wedding. I'm excited for her...that she got engaged. I am so happy for her. She asked me to be her maid of honor...matron technically, but whatever, it really is an honor. The thing is though...I've been having a pretty rough time here, and she hasn't even bothered to ask how I'm doing.
Price has a huge cyst or something on his arm, and it was supposed to come out today. Long story short, it didn't, but no one even asked about him.
I've been by myself here with the kids every week for the last few weeks, but no one calls to see how we're doing.
Price will be leaving in two months, and the most anyone has said about it was "It's so hard." That was my dad....I know he meant well and really feels for us, and that he'll miss Price, too...but it seems like everyone is sort of keeping us at a distance, and that no one wants to get into it.
Anyway, that's the biggest thing going on, but there's more. There's always more. We have a great big pile of rocks and huge retaining wall blocks sitting on our driveway. We have another huge pile of rocks in our backyard. We have no money, and even if we did, we don't know what our next step is. But we have to do something, otherwise we'll get fined by our HOA.
Then there's the money issue. Price needs or wants all sorts of new gear for his deployment and started running up the credit card. Plus he needs more and more money because it takes so much gas to get to work. Unfortunately, he's not making any more money, so we're falling deeper into debt.
We also found out that Chase needs surgery to get tubes in his ears. I'm trying to push that thought back for a little while.
I had to get a new doctor, which is a huge headache. Between the insurance, medical records, trying to get appointments and everything else, it has taken way too long. I have a cancer history, and am supposed to go for checkups once a year. By the time I finally get in, it will be almost two years.
Alyssa lost one of the lenses for her glasses. The glasses are covered, but the lens has to be ordered, and in the meantime, she doesn't have another pair. She gets cross-eyed without them. And she'll be starting school soon--kindergarten. That's a big stressor for me.
I realized that we don't have much time left to prepare the deployment. I want to get videos and special dolls, set up projects to help the kds get though it, and make dvd's and cd's for them...but I've been so depressed lately, it's been difficult just to get through the day, let alone do all those things. I'll do it though. At least I know this about myself...I have to let myself be sad. Sad enough to where I cry, and spill out everything I'm feeling or worrying about, either by writing or talking to my husband, and then I can move on. So I'm doing that. I'm trying to get out all the negative stuff--all the stuff that's been building up and weighing me down. If I haven't hit the bottom of the valley yet, I will soon. Then I'll start to climb out and things will be better. Not great, but better. And that's when I'll be able to start focusing on getting all that stuff done.
For now though, I think I'll just leave it at that. I cried a lot today, wrote a lot, got a lot out....now I'll try to get some sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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Posted by Zaudie on 2008-07-01 01:29:50 | Rating: | Views: 63
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I'm thinking of you all. Sometimes people keep at a distance because they simply do not know what to say....but that doesn't make it any easier.
Look after you, as your children need you Keep writing, because you have a friend here who cares about you all :)
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Posted by Kaybee
on 2008-07-01 05:47:32
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I came across your blog and I am crying as i type. I could not imagine how you must feel, but i know you fill like noone cares, but you must be strong for your kids and husband!! You will be just fine, trust me! Everything has its place and it might take a while, but eventually everything will find its place! Try to cherish the remainding days! Good Luck too you and your family! I hope this makes you feel like someone cares :)
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Posted by rachiek004
on 2008-07-01 16:07:48
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