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It would be nice...

The kids and I had a good today today. Like, a really good day. I came up with a schedule last night, and because I always have trouble coming up with things for us to do, I wrote out a bunch of things that we can do indoors or out. We didn't stick exactly to the schedule, but I think it'll get better.  Besides, that's not what matters. We played, we laughed, we did a little project, we didn't get bored and pretty much kept moving all day. It was nice. But....(of course there's a "but"...) the day didn't end up so well. It would be nice if I could have a good day, start to finish, but it seems like that just isn't possible. I would love to write about what a fabulous day it was, about how I'm so happy, and how my kids had a fantastic day. Unfortunately, that just isn't my life right now.

The day started out good. I didn't sleep well because neither of the kids slept well, but I woke up feeling pretty good.   I gave the kids some time to wake up, made them breakfast, we played, we started a little project to help them (or at least Alyssa) get a better idea of when her dad will be home, we read books, sang songs, played games....I could tell Alyssa was thrilled and didn't want it to stop, and it didn't. We kept moving, I kept them entertained....I felt like a good mom.

Then things kind of started falling apart. Price called. He sounded really down. I asked what was going on and he said he didn't feel well. He seemed depressed, but he assured me it was because he felt like he had overdone it and just needed some rest. Okay, so that's not so bad. Kind of a bummer that he's not feeling well, that he didn't feel much like talking and didn't have time to talk even if he did, but I can get over that.

Then at 6:30 I realized I had completely forgotten to call my sister and let her know I wouldn't be able to make it to her appointment with a caterer. My mom won't watch the kids when they're sick and I don't have anyone else...but I didn't even call to let her know. Maybe she'll understand. But now I wonder if SHE's thinking she made a mistake by asking me to be her maid (matron) of honor. Her friend Jami is young, single, beautiful, tall, thin, lives nearby, and I think may be a little closer to my sis because they share a lot of the same things. My sister and I are very close and, aside from our SO's, consider each other our best friends. But that doesn't mean we have a lot in common. She's going out and partying, planning a wedding, has lots of interests, she's carefree, can go out at the drop of a hat, doesn't really have any responsibilities....and I'm a married mother of two who talks about nothing but her kids and husband. I don't know. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion. But it really brought me down thinking I had let her down.

Around that time the kids started up. They were fighting over toys, yelling at each other, not listening, throwing fits...Chase isn't feeling well, Alyssa wanted to keep playing, and Chase refused to go to sleep. So I finally got them down an hour after I wanted them in bed and came to check my email. It seems unreal what I just read...

My aunt is in the hospital. Her liver is failing, which we knew, but she's going downhill quickly. Today she had two seizures and lost her eye sight. The doctors aren't sure why just yet. She has cirrhosis of the liver, and yes, it's because she drank too much.  I didn't feel sorry for her at first. But now I think about this woman who was so unhappy she drank herself into oblivion everyday, blind, laying in a hospital bed with my uncle at her side, and I can't help but feel for them both. We lost my Uncle Dave last year. It seems too soon to be losing another member of the family. Too soon. Just too soon.

God this sounds like a movie. My husband is going off to war, my uncle passed away last year, my blind aunt will pass away soon.  My family seems to define the "fairweather friend," I'm depressed and unhappy, and I think my kids deserve a better mom....I really hope it gets better soon. People keep walking out of the theater because it never gets any better and it's too damn depressing, and soon I'll be left alone with my pathetic life.