Thoughts.com Blogs - Broken record

View Blog

Broken record

Price is gone. Again. I'm tired of hearing that myself, frankly. Three weeks this time, then the next one is the big one. Poor Alyssa, she had a hard day. She really misses her daddy. She was cranky and irritable, wouldn't listen, screamed at me....it's obvious that she understands her daddy will be gone for longer this time, and is having a hard time coping with it. I'm trying to help, trying to play with them like he does...but I'm having a hard time too, and it's hard to run around and laugh and scream and play when I just want to cry. I'm trying though.

Alyssa is a little drama queen, for sure. She blows some things way out of proportion. Here's my theory though...I think she sees the way people act on tv...she sees them stomp out of rooms and slam doors, yell things...so yeah, I'm sure she's copying them. But I also think....I think that's her reality. I think she just doesn't have the life experience and emotional maturity to express how SHE's feeling, rather than spitting someone else's words back at me. So when she's upset, instead of realizing that most of her anger and hurt are because she can't hug and kiss Daddy, she screams "Mommy you don't love me!" I KNOW she knows I love her...still, it's hard hearing those words coming out of the mouth of my 4 year old, and I can't help but feel like I've failed her. I don't know how to help her. I let her cry. We snuggle and I tell her I miss Daddy too. I tell her that Daddy misses her and wants to be with her, but that he has to be at work right now. I show her pictures, and Price tries to call and talk to her....but mostly I'm at a loss as to how to help her through this.

Anyway, I think I'm going to come up with a schedule...I think it'll help both the kids to cope a little better. They won't have their daddy for a little while, but they'll have something to cling to. Seems so silly and insignificant, but I know how attached Alyssa is even to our bedtime routine...I know routine is impotant to her. I'm sure it is for Chase too, though it's hard to tell because he's so little. And maybe if I have things planned out ahead of time, I won't get so bored and draw a blank when the kids need entertaining and want my attention.

We'll see. I'm great at coming up with plans...it's the following through part that gets me.