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Normally you have a funeral and say goodbye. Well why am I having such a hard time letting go? Is it because he was so young? Is it because I didn't get the time I feel I needed with him? I guess I should fill in what ever readers I might have..April 2007 my brother formed what that thought was a fungus in his nasal passages.So they did a surgery to remove it and clean the area out, but it didn't work so they went in again and tried a second time. By July they realized they were treating it wrong. So they ran tests and found out it was a very rare for of Cancer caused by the Epstien Bar Virus. He was sent to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center to recieve treatment and in February he went home Cancer free. We thought he was in the clear. But in March at a routine Doctors appointment his doctor realized he was getting very ill again.So they medi-vacced him back to the Cancer Center and placed him in I.C.U. He began to have mutiple organs fail and each time they got one back on track another one would go down. He was intubated and placed in a medically enduced coma. After a Month they told my parents that there really was not much else they could do for him. His organs were all failing at once now. And the treatments were not working. My parents signed the Do not Resusitate order. And decided to let him go and turn off the machines. On april 9th of 2008 The machines were shut off and 15 minutes later my Brother was gone. He didn't fight and he was not alone. I believe he was not scared. We buried him in Midland Texas close to my Parents on April 14th, 2008. OK so I was there and rightfully I had the oppertunity to say Good Bye. So why am I having such an issue letting go? He was 18 years old when he passed he didn't really get to experience real life. I know there is a reason why the lord needed him and I know it was important to take him so early on in his life. But I am really having a problem with it all. I have lost plenty of people in my life. Up to and including a 16 year old cousin. And even that was not as hard as this.I have my own family I have to think about and that is not easy right now. Cause everything I do reminds me of him. A song, a Movie, A television show, things at the store that he might have liked. Or that I knew he wanted. EVERYTHING. And I am not the type to cry in front of people so it is even harder for me to get my emotions out.I don't think it's fair. And I know Life is not fair but I don't care anymore. He should be here with us. And I am not sure how to get past that. Any ideas? Well anyways thanks for listening..
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You will get past all that. It takes time. I know this sounds so blah, but in time will come healing. My step-daughter was taken from us in a car wreck almost 5 years ago. She was 28, had 3 children. And I too thought why? I still struggle with it, and it will be 5 years on the 27th of this month.
The best that I can give you is, cry when you need to, be mad when you need to, and know that with each passing day it will get a bit easier. There will be a lot of really sucky days, and there will be days when they arent so bad. There will come a time that you can laugh again, and yes you will probably feel guilty because you did, but its ok. The first year after losing someone is the worst. But you and your family will be ok.
I think I was led to you, I had signed off and then continued looking at blogs and found yours, I am from Midland also. Maybe someone knew that you needed something I could tell you?
Hugs and prayers to you and your families healing at this time.
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-05-19 09:41:26
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| Views: 62
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