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By no means am I even close to being addicted to any type of painkiller or sleep medicine. My friends joke about it because I do have a box of sleeping medicine, but DO NOT WORRY. I want to state that clearly before I spoke about it, because I don't want the assumed pity of a desperate pill popper. If I have to be awake early one day, or I don't feel like staying up until 2 am (like tonight, as on most weekends), I'll usually take some sleep-aid so I can pass out at a reasonable hour. But the other night, while working on the first stage of my open-mic performance piece, I began to rant in my writing, somewhat subconsciously scribbling down words as they came to me. And after thinking for a bit about what I wrote down, I figured out another advantage to this medicine, one that could scare me had I not recognized it.
I'm pretty sure the sleep medicine refreshes you in your sleep because it holds you in stage 4 of the sleep cycle (the stage in which most replenishing is done, the deepest stage, where it's most difficult to be awakened), and I don't believe you reach the REM stage of the cycle at all. This results in a deeper, more refreshing sleep, but also another aspect I didn't take to mind: a dreamless one. Since I never reach the REM stage, I noticed that I would never remember having any dreams, if I had them at all. In my poetic ramblings, I revealed to myself that this had become an escape from my hopeless love imprisonment. Having such a deep sleep gave me a good 6-8 hours where I wasn't engulfed in thoughts of Kelly (of course, right). On any other night, I can guarantee that she would find herself into every one of my dreams, only for me to wake up the next morning and realize what wasn't to happen. The more I think about it though, the more I begin to believe that what I really want is to be with her as long as possible, physically or not, I am still with her in some aspect.
God (who I have the utmost faith in, don't get me wrong) has really tested me this past year. I know He never passes up a chance to use an experience, so I'm hoping and praying that this becomes my greatest test, and God-willing, my greatest reward. I've never come across so hopeless and desperate for one girl than I have become now.
But it's late, and I need to be up in about 6 hours, so perhaps for one of the last times, I'll drift into another deep, dreamless sleep.
I'll work on my poem another night.
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Posted by Yohansen on 2007-09-22 23:41:56 | Rating: | Views: 103
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