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yHaNinJa Code 2008

Originally written > December 26, 2007

This isn't one of my journal entries. I'd like to call this "My 2007 Story". Yep, the summary of my 2007 life. Narrating one of my last days of last year--just my thoughts--would probably tell everything about this poetic tragedy here.

Ang totoo nyan eh pagkatapos ng isang napakahabang araw ng tawanan at inis, isang importanteng desisyon ang ginawa ko. Hindi na ako mananaginip...mangangarap. Dumarating naman ang mga bagay asahan mo man o hindi. Nope, it's nothing against God's will nor freedom. It's just me and what I believe in.

Look, hindi ako matapang dahil wala naman pala akong takot na nilalabanan. I never really worried at all and it's not my business that someone might misinterpret these stuff in my head.

Well looking back, ano ba yung mga kinatatakutan ko noon? Mawala ang isa sa family ko? Hmm...I already lost them all. My friends? Yung mapasama sila? They're all in good hands now, there are someones taking good care of them and it's quite enough.To fail? I've gone through a lot of failures beyond my imagination but believe it or not, it never did matter. The unknown? Who cares? What's there to know anyway?

I don't even think that this is some kind of abnormality. I think I'm ready to die. It's not to scare anyone, it's just a thought. Watch Jigoku Shoujo (Hell Girl) Season 1 Episode 12. I don't hate life, life's actually great. One minute I'm extremely happy, another minute I'm the loneliest crap. What's the big deal anyway?

Lahat naman ng nangyayari eh normal, predictable, in short...boring. Hindi ko alam kung ganyan talaga ang nasa isip ko ngayon. Ang gusto ko lang talagang sabihin eh wala na akong hinihintay o inaabangan. Even surprises can be forseen. And the idea of surprise is nothing but typical.

Ewan ko. Alam ko namang walang patutunguhan 'tong pag-iisip ko. Pero tama naman ako di ba? Alam ko namang tama ako.

Pero hangga't nasasaktan ako, malamang may mga bagay pa rin na pinapahalagahan ko. Pero hindi na siguro, ako pa rin ang magdedecide kung pano ko ihahandle ang nararamdaman ko towards anything and anyone.

I just don't feel like having a desire for something or someone now. Or maybe it's what I'm having at this moment but it's one thing I can't and I don't wish to define.

Well yah, marami akong gustong gawin, makasama...mangyari sa buhay ko. Naisip ko lang, ano naman ngayon kung hindi matupad ang mga 'yon or the better to hear 'walang ni isang matupad sa mga yon'... Living would just continue as new things come. Ganon lang ang cycle and I'm having the same emotion every other time. weird but that's really it.

I even thought I don't want to marry someone like any of my bandmates. Pare-pareho kami that life might be boring as hell. Siguro lang. Since we objectify everything and everyone, it's just nice having each other as great friends and having a certain someone who sees things subjectively. Well not probably. I don't think I want to get married at all. 'Though I don't see anything wrong with it, there's nothing exciting about marrying and having your own family, I guess. Don't tell me I'm meant to be a nun...I've already thought of that too and it's a no comment thing for now.

As my point says; it's natural, typical, ordinary, mangyayari ang kahit na ano asahan mo man o hindi.
Rare thing aren't even rare. There's nothing rare. It's funny hearing "bihira na ang kakaiba nayon". Redundancy? The slightest part. Basta. It's a nosebleed thing to explain.

And oh to explain! Ayun! I don't need to explain anything to anyone. We all walk with prejudices around...simple everywhere. No matter what you say and how you tell things, people will always believe in what they want to...it's called 'right', haha!

Minsan nakakasama ng loob pero nakakatawang nakakasama pala yun ng loob. It must've been something factual...realistic lang.

Hmm...it's pretty tiresome thinking.

Hindi na ako magha-highlight ng kahit na ano sa post na 'to. 'Kakatamad kaya...harharhar!!!

Anyway...please don't get affected by these stuff I wrote. It's just a thought and I have nothing against anything ang anyone, really po. HAVE A GREAT YEAR!!!