Do you like the pale, bleak and frozen winter? I do. Winter is my favorite season because it’s a mirror of my identity, that is, I am always calm, cold and with a little pale in my brain. I gained most of my identities from my family, a conservatively and restrictively traditional Chinese family.
    Remember since the first day of elementary school, I had been inhibited to make female friends, or even talk to them, for such a clueless motto by my father: “Girls are the barrier of success.” Whenever he finds out I am talking to a girl, he must burst into anger and restate the motto convincingly. I had never understood my father’s motto but I was too young to defy him. Therefore, I forced myself to avoid as much female as I could for not getting unnecessary reprimand. While my other male friends always curious about why I dodged all the females, I couldn’t answer, because I didn’t actually know the reason. Furthermore, my parents limited most of my outdoor actives, in order to mold me into their ideal son, who can always get A from quizzes and exams. My childhood was dull. I was like a nerdy robot that dealing with tons of worksheets nonstoppably. (Maybe this is one of the reasons why Chinese students are learning experts) “How I wish to swim excitedly under the flame of the sun or sweat fervently on the basketball ground!” I kept saying these for millions of times in my heart; however, I had never said it to my parents once.
    Ironically, all of my parents' restrictions not only had turned me to their ideal son, but also, I had gradually nurtured a withdrawn identity. I found that I could hardly express my feeling and desires. When my dad asks me if I want a specific toy, I would repressively say nothing or no to him instead of saying yes I want. Also, I would say I hate it instead of I like it.
    Even now, this aspect of my identity still affects the relationship with my family and my friends. At home, I seldom talk about my future plans with my parents. It’s not because I don’t love them. Honestly, I’d like to share everything in my life with them, but whenever I tend to talk to them more about myself, a grotesque feeling always comes up and stops me doing that. Therefore, I choose to love them restrictively. At school, my calm and untalkative identities make myself incredibly hard to know new friends. People who first know me will think that I am distant and opaque, but I am not trying to be aloof. I just don’t know how to express myself. I am always curious about why people can talk so much and become friends in their first encounter. Eventually, I still know a few about girls.
    I think most of you will feel unperceivable about my own story and identities, but they are testaments of my existence. I had felt the real winter once in Nevada----a snowy white winter, which is the mirror of my identities. When I was touching the nippy wind and listening to the sound of snow falling, I felt that there was actually someone could understand me. In the same way, I could understand winter. Winter doesn’t act like the lively spring, the ardent summer and the esthetical autumn; conversely, it is always so bleak and pale because it’s trying to leave a peculiar impression to everyone.