Today's meditation is on Comfort (From Living a Sacred Life).

"I am comforted at this time of year with good food, friends and the warmth of home.  I remember today those that may not be so fortunate."

I have wonderful friends.  I love them dearly.  They are my family here because my family is so far away.  My brother lives here with me, but everyone else is an hour, if not days away.  I had a friend over tonight, Seeker.  He is an amazing friend, wiling to do anything for his friends.  He drove me to the grocery store today because I was not able to drive and pushed me around in a wheelchair because I couldn't walk that well.  Meanwhile he was laughing and joking around with me, though I'm sure he had a little trouble pushing me around, as I weigh almost twice as much as him.  But he never complained.

He had somewhere to be after the grocery store, but he came back, invited, for dinner.  I made sweet and sour chicken.  I loved it, but I don't think he liked it a whole lot, but he said he really liked it and ate it all.  He's not very adventurous with food, and I think it was a little too outside the box for him.  But he ate it all the same, and said it was good. 

He's been there for me when I needed him, no matter what the trouble is.  I'm bipolar and he's there if I'm having a panic attack, cheers me up when I'm depressed, and does something with me when I'm manic to help me calm down.  When I need a friend the most, he's right there walking with me.  And I've done the same for him.

He had a massive nervous breakdown a few years ago.  When I met him he was in the middle of it.  I stuck with him through the trouble.  I tried for six months to get him to check himself into a psychiatric hospital, and when he finally did, I sat with him in the er all night, literally, to be with him when he checked in.  I stuck with him until he was in the ward and they told me I had to leave.  He was in a hospital that was over an hour away, and I drove out there to visit him. 

He's kind of like a father to me, but mostly friend.  I love him as a friend.  And I always will.

As for home and food, I am very grateful for both.  I didn't always have them.  I was in one of the state mental health hospitals four years ago (wow, its been four years?!?) and when I went in I lost my apartment.  I didn't have a job, and I didn't have a home to go to.  I was in the hospital for six weeks.  They finally found a place for me to live.  It was a transitional living program for the mentally ill run by the local mental health center.  That program got me on foodstamps, the hospital got my on SSDI (social security for disabled people), and the program taught me how to take care of myself, physically and emotionally. 

I lived there for a year, and then I moved out to an apartment of my own, and I've been on my own ever since.  I've always had a roommate because I'm too poor to have my own place, but its been good.  I had a bad roommate experience, though I'm friends with her now that we aren't living together, but now things are wonderful.  I have a cute apartment, a good roommate in my brother, an adorable cat (who has her own photo album on my profile), and a family who loves me. 

I am truly blessed.  I've had a hard life, but things are great now, and I made things great myself, with a little help from above.  I love my life for the first time since I was thirteen.  Let me tell you, it is wonderful to feel good about myself again. 

A lot of it I have to thank my church for, and a little from my ex-fiance.  My church has made me feel special, like I am loved and wanted by people that don't have to.  My ex-fiance showed me that, even though I'm big, people do think that I'm beautiful and want to be with me.  I needed that. 

I now have courage to be me, and to take care of myself: to cook for myself, to do things that I enjoy because I want to do them, to exercise when I can, and to take good care of myself.  I have an eating disorder, compulsive overeating (think bulimia without the purging), and its way better now that I have some self confidence.  I'm losing weight, which is wonderful.  I don't feel the need to stand on the scale backwards so that I don't see how much I weigh anymore.  I'm getting wonderful grades in school.  Last quarter I got straight A's. 

My life is wonderful right now, and I have mostly my friends to thank for it.  I love them, all of them.