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It seems like only yesterday I was completing the final preperations for my 21st Birthday Party.
I had it all planned months in advance, I wanted a sophisicated but grounded affair and I wanted everyone who meant the world to me, to be there.
I had hired out an outside 'barn' area of a local restaurant/hotell, it was beautiful! I had lots of pink and white balloons, some of them heart shapes. White sheets over the tables and little sparkly irridecent stars scattered accross them. I had a chef put on a huge feast of a BBQ and a DJ to play out everyones favourite songs.
My chocolate flavoured birthday cake was a big pink present, wrapped in a gorgeous shimmering bow with stars and '21' popping out the top, sparklers for candles. My family and close friends had travelled 560 miles to be there 21 years after I was born to celebrate, yet again, another year of my existance.
As we gathered outside to watch my mini fireworks display light up the April sky, time seemed to stop as if to give me mind space to appreciate my beautiful Birthday Party and the fresh start that had just begun...
The previous month I had filed for a divorce. I had only been married just over a year. I was living in a woman's refuge, as I could no longer face the emotional suicide of living in my marital home whilst he was still there. My family knew of the divorce, but I couldnt bare to tell them where I was living or just how bad it really was.
I had moved with my husband to another country, to where his job took him. I had no support from him. The relationship became emotionally controlling when I tried to make new friends. Life with him, became unbearable. His mood swings, his tantrums, his dissapearing for days, his constant critisism and his jealousy all just got too much in the end.
I left our marital home and moved into a womans refuge. I dont remember much of the day I called them, my memory seems blurred. But they made me go to the doctors first thing the next morning and I got tablets to calm me down. Nervous breakdown the doctor said. I went for councilling.
A month on, and I seemed to have got my life back on track. I was having a lovely party with all my family there. But deep down I was fearing the moment they left. It was then I knew, I had to go home.
Today I am 'home' and I am living with my wonderful partner E. He is truelly a wonderful person to say the least. Its my birthday on wednesday, and as much as my life has improved, im not so excited about this aniversary of another year of my life.
I have pondered deeply about the reasons why im not so excited this year, and it could be due to a few things. It could be because 22 is not as exciting an age than 21 or that im not having a party this year. But to be truthful, I think I learned so much in the months leading to my 21st birthday that my party wasnt just a party, it was a celebration of my life, my freedom and my new found wisdom. It was an ending to a nightmare, and an opening chapter to my better life...
Since then I have healed, and I am continueing to heal. I have learned to trust again and to open my heart back up. I have learned to take each day as it comes, good or bad. And I have learned who my true friends are, the ones who travelled those 560 miles to be by my side on my 21st Birthday.
So heres a toast to 22 years...to happiness, love, respect & consideration...
Mimi x
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Posted by WeeMimi on 2008-04-13 00:15:01 | Rating: | Views: 81
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Wow. That is so wonderful that you had the wisdom to realize what needed to be changed in your life, as well as the courage to change it.
...your birthday party sounds like it was amazing.
Have a wonderful 22nd birthday.
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Posted by Quiet_Dreamer
on 2008-04-13 17:28:50
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