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Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What's the definition of a minor second?
A. Two bagpipes playing in unison.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes?
A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]
Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones.
Q. What's the definition of a quarter tone?
A. A bagpiper tuning his drones.
Q. What do bagpipers use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A bagpiper.
Q. What's one thing you never hear people say?
A. Oh, that's the bagpipe player's Porsche.
Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q. Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer?
A. He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one.
Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Tom: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the bagpipe band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. Why is a bagpipe like a Scud missile?
A. Both are offensive and inaccurate.
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Posted by Wayne on 2007-11-25 04:59:33 | Rating: | Views: 103
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I hope scotslad is prepared for this roast.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2007-11-25 07:55:15
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ooooohhhhhh.xx
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Posted by bubblydi
on 2007-11-25 12:38:43
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Okay Wayne - this is great - even a Scotsman like me finds this brilliant. Good one. :)
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Posted by 2rivers
on 2007-11-25 14:32:33
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great about bag pipes. There were 2 bagpipes in my life. One was my mother who was like an old bag pipe and the other my ex wife who sounded worse and she was horrible. Have a great day.
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Posted by norm4u2
on 2007-11-25 23:10:34
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I needed a god laugh - you never disappoint!!
Do you notice bagpipe starts to look and sound funny if you read or say to much?? Hehe
My mum loves bagpipes!! Doesn't get to listen to them that often though - Thank god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted by HornyLittlePoker
on 2007-11-26 00:19:57
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LMFAO. Well done Wayne. Of course, Im giving no clues as to the accuracy or not of this post. :p LOL I like it.
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2007-11-26 07:51:33
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lol nice one Wayne and it is soooooooo accurate!! :P
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Posted by Forgetmeknot
on 2007-11-26 16:01:53
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