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 If Dear Abby Were Dear Albert

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.

A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him anice, expensive present, and cook him a nicemeal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior -- and it should be encouraged. Man is a hunter and needs to prove his prowess with other men.Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with me and my sister.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved?If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.


Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love -- we have no time to talk.
 
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.

A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should -- he has to work too hard to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.

A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present...and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.

    Posted by Wayne on 2007-11-03 04:24:40 | Rating: | Views: 130
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:oD - you are terrible! (but great at the same time!)
cheers!
Posted by  badlydrawnstickman  on 2007-11-03 09:25:13 
  
lol, always with the cooking and the money-spending...
isn't that what the guy should do to impress the girl???
Posted by  MAK  on 2007-11-03 10:31:33 
  
You are so bad Albert.
You are fired!
Posted by  DifficultSoul  on 2007-11-03 12:14:53 
  
hehe
Posted by  DifficultSoul  on 2007-11-03 12:15:20 
  
Ditto with DifficultSoul.
But funny all the same.
Posted by  HornyLittlePoker  on 2007-11-03 17:53:27 
  
That was hilarious. I think you're on to something here....
Posted by  crash413  on 2007-11-18 06:09:49 
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Wayne
Southern Oregon Coast, Oregon, United States

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