I have value. I am a father of four wonderful boys and yes, I know the adjective is biased. :o) I am very proud of all of my sons, as I'm sure you are all so tired of reading. They are all so different in all their little ways and whilst their achievments are a credit to them all. I believe that i can lay a little claim to how they are turning out. Each one of them has had differing things that he has struggled with. Each one brings a new little querk that his mum and I have had to face.
Their mum and I have been divorced 5 years now and I must admit that i was fearful of how it would affect the boys. To see my eldest comforting my youngest on the day we told them I was moving out will stick with me for the rest of my life, so many tears, so much sadness that the guilt remains with me to this day. Not the guilt of leaving, but the guilt of making them so upset, even for just one day
I tried to console them for what seemed like hours and it probably was but i promised them that I would not be far from them, for 6 months i lived 7 miles from them and visited every day. I probably saw them more then than i had for the few months before. I finally bought a house 5 mins from them and they could come round anytime they wanted, or needed. I gave up a social life in the pursuit of their happiness but I do not resent them for that. It was part of my investment into my children. Part of the committment I give to my boys
Now, my eldest son is at University, the first person in our family to ever have attained a university course, and in Edinburgh no less. There is not a word to describe the pride i have in my eldest. He is so mature, so forthright, and yet so humble. He has great manners, is an education sponge and makes friends and has fun like no one i know. Yes he can let his hair down and party hard, but he knows when to stop and when to work. He has the confidence to do whatever he wants in life. He is what I wish i could have been.
My next son is my fun, he has always been the one i thought uh oh and the warning bells are screaming at me.......hehehehe I loved his confidence in himself. This was the one who was looking for trouble. Not in a maliscious way or hurtful, just playful, you know? The one who says
'What happens when I do this?' OH that was fun!
No to him was alays answered by why? and you better have a damned good reason otherwise i'm gonna do it anyway. So I learned to talk to him and explain things like a lawyer so that he always 'got' my rules. He's still that way to this day and even though he likes to do things his own way, we sorta have a truce going that he keeps Dad happy so that Dad picks him up from parties and sleepovers etc. His weekend life is sorta on a need to know basis and he gives me just enough facts so that i don't fuss at him too much and i point out one or two of the BIG rules that we all do to keep our teens safe and overlook one or two of the little things so that keep us on an even keel. Put it this way, he has a lawyers mind and so sharp that he frightens me lol. He's doing good at school now he is in the sixth form. I asked him why and he told me that they are now actually teaching him things that are interesting. Remember, this is the child who didn't revise for mock exams at the crossroads of his school career because, and i quote
'I wanted to know if i needed to revise.'
When asked of the conclusion of his experiment. 'I do' Gotta love THAT outlook lol!
My third son, is the quiet one, he takes in everything and will only remember it if he can be bothered or it is something that he wants to do. he is so laid back i sometimes wonder if he's awake but that only leads you into a false sense of security because his mind is so sharp that he'll come out with something funny just like that. He is the one who is my clone at his age. Very caring, big hearted, sensitive but who has to be spoken to with understanding and compassion for his feelings or he gets all stubborn (I wonder where he gets THAT from!) :o)
he is very easy going, but has a streak of selfishness that i need to temper now and again to keep him in line. A good sense of fair play, but he can take things very personally when he doesn't get things his way. I have seen him mature so much in the last two years since he started secondary school, his confidence is growing an d he's getting to be more cheeky, which i love so much,
And finally my youngest, he's been having a rough time just lately, he missed out on getting to go to the same school as his brothers and I think feels he let himself down. :o( He's struggling to fit in at his new school, worrying with nerves to the point of nausea every day and we have tears each day too at the thought of what he has to face there. Its a long story but a certain teacher hasn't helped his cause at all. My son is frightened of him and the teacher has had no empathy to my son's problem at all. I have had to counsell my son almost every night for the last month to get him to sleep at night, and have had to take him to school on countless occaissions. I don't care. He is my child and i want him happy. I want to help him get over this.
Today was the first day back after half term and we had the nausea and tears again. I talked with him for ages about how he was feeling and explaining how it was his mind that was making him worry and that in turn was making him feel poorly. We talked of how sometimes we have to take nasty tasting medicine just so that the medicine would help us get better. I told him that him actually going to school while he was feeling ill was the nasty tasting medicine and after a few doses his mind would stop telling his tummy to feel poorly at school time. He listened, we had cuddles, we had a few laughs, and he gained the strength to get out of the car by himself at school and walk into class. I had to make a few calls from the car park and ihe came back out after 2 mins to tell me he was poorly. There were a few tears again and i told him that i was not waiting for him but on the phone and that he needed to 'take' his medicine to get better. I felt so proud of my little boy when he dried those tears smiled at me, and said ' Ok Dad, Can i come round for dinner tonight?'
Of course i told him yes and as he walked back into class on his own, there were more tears, but these were mine.....and i had to drive away before he saw lol
So thats what i mean when i say I have value, I am investing in my children. The time i spend with them, getting them through their troubles, listening to their worries, guiding them through life as best i can, but letting them LIVE their lives. As my 2 eldest are now showing me, they don't always need me. I'm lucky to get a call on the phone some weeks from either of them, but they know i am here, always available. And I know boys too, one day, thats all i will be, a call on the phone to keep me happy, to stop me whining at them for not calling me, and thats all four of them. but I don't and won't mind....too much, because i know, with the groundwork i have already put in that they love me. And i think that they too know, for the very same reason, that they have a Dad who thinks the world of them and loves them more than he loves himself.
If you're still awake after reading this, thank you, you're very kind
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