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| People.. can be so cold and distant at times. |
People seem so cold these days. I mean look at what has happened to the friendly gesture of the simple yet effective, "Hello." I rarely hear it being used anymore. I don't mean to say that I never hear people greeting one another. No that's not it. I'm very much aware of the "wassap" and "Yo man" amongst friends and with those whom they are already acquainted with. What I'm talking about is strangers greeting other strangers.
Is it really that difficult to say a few friendly words to a complete stranger?
Think about it, strangers passing by other strangers almost never greet each other. When they're about to cross paths, each acknowledges there other in front of them, yet what do they do? They keep their eyes down and just keep on walking. I see it happen everyday and even more frequently when I arrive on campus for my evening classes. It doesn't just happen to me, it happens to everyone. So why care about it right?
Well, frankly, because it's a bit depressing. I was brought up in a very animated and fun loving environment. I remember my mom would always strike up random conversations with strangers at the gas pump, grocery store, laundromat, and everywhere else. So naturally, I grew up with the same mentality. Even though I was shy, I was told that if you're bored and you notice a person next to you then you should strike up a conversation. I think that mom wanted me to become more outgoing, and so guess what? It worked. After all, talking to strangers is what mom did, and that's what I've been doing for the past 10 years.
Every so often I'll run into a person who doesn't want to chit-chat. You can tell who these people are because as soon as you say something, their bodies rock back slowly away and they hesitantly respond with single word phrases such as, "yeah, heh" or "oh yeah, that's nice." And of course, chit-chatting with strangers has its drawbacks. Mostly because you never know how they'll respond. You assume it will be positive, but there's always a risk.
For instance, I was at the checkout isle of my local grocery store recently. I noticed in front of me was a tall black man carrying a large bouquet of roses on one hand and a Hallmark card in the other. So I smiled, turned to him and said, "Wow, you must've screwed up big time. Haha" To which he responded, "Yeah, I did." So I continued jokingly, "She'll probably love those flowers, I'm sure things will work out., but if not you could always just give them to your mistress. Haha." I was expecting a laugh or some witty comment, but instead he gave me this shocker, "F*ck the wife, you're right I'm just going to give these to my girlfriend." The cashier and I just stared at each another for a moment but our peaked eyebrows said it all, "Wow, is this guy for real?"
I've gotten so used to conversation that I'll actually feel uncomfortable in a room full of quiet people. Especially so, when that room is an evening class that is not due to begin for another 15 to 20 minutes. Instead of engaging in friendly conversation, these people prefer to check and send messages through their Facebook and Myspace pages. Even during class I can see and hear people's phones vibrating, then followed by a fury of quick clicking and button mashing sounds as they respond to those txts. What's happening to the good ol' face-to-face human interaction?
Last semester I received the following txt from a girl sitting on the opposite side of the classroom: "Wow. You look handsome today. Celebrating something? LOL" (Even though we had worked on a project together in a previous class she had never shown any interest or struck up any friendly conversations with me.)
I looked up at her immediately after receiving this and saw that she did not in any way, shape or form, laugh out loud. In fact, nobody actually ever "laughs out loud" when they tack on the "LOL" acronym after a phrase. "LOL" by the way has now come to mean, "I have nothing else left to say."
I txted back with, "Thanks. Not celebrating anything."
After class she walked out to the parking lot with me, (even though that was not where she had parked.) On a side note... some women are funny that way. They'll do everything to show interest but will almost never actually just come out and ask a guy on a date... She wasn't really my type so, I didn't ask.
So for weeks she would occasionally send me a text message about class or how work was going and such. I mean I know I'm a guy.. but I'm not dense. I could tell she was interested. So I txted her back and said, "why don't you just call instead of txt?" Well she never did call.. and I never received another text so that was the end of that.
But this brings up an interesting point. WHY don't women ask guys out on dates? I'm sure SOME do.. but for the most part they're the ones who want to be asked, not to DO the asking. I was reading an article on speed dating recently and I was happy to see that the article only served to confirm something I already knew. Speed dating participants were asked to rate their experience and whether they would consider seeing that person again after having met several people at the event. The researchers broke up their efforts into two teams: One team exclusively worked with the participants who were approached and while the other team only worked with the participants who did the approaching. The researchers did this for several months and successfully interviewed thousands of participants. The conclusion?
Of the participants who RECEIVED the approach (by another speed dater), a great majority of them felt slightly interested or not interested in the individual who approached them. On the other hand however, of the participants who DID the approaching, these individuals felt more optimistic and had greater interest in following up with that person again. In other words, people become more invested in following through with a potential partner when THAT person is the one who's taken the first step.
Isn't social psychology magnificent? This study provides us with some interesting insight into how people assign value to their prospective mates. If you approach me, then you must be of lower value. If I approach you, then I must be of lower value.
It sounds insane, but it's true. That's why certain men feel like they need to establish who they are, what they do, the titles and abbreviations before and after their name, and brag about their accomplishments. They want to demonstrate high value... but they fail because now they appear to be too cocky and full of themselves and TRYING to impress the woman. A rich man doesn't have to tell people he's rich. So why do these men behave this way?
Primarily because society does a piss poor job at calibrating men into becoming socially intelligent... but I digress.
Have you ever been walking through a crowd and noticed that a stranger moving towards you is happily waving and smiling in YOUR direction? As your mind desperately tries to identify this stranger you can't help but notice yourself hesitate, then follow through with a smile and wave of your own. But, not before noticing a moment too late that he was actually directing his actions to the woman directly behind you. Boy that's embarrassing. You learn your lesson and vow to never fall into that one again. But then that following week you see another man smiling in your direction. He's handsome, clean-cut, and well dressed. "I'm not making this mistake again," you think to yourself but as you both move progressively closer you notice that he still hasn't stopped looking. As you cross each others path he says "hello."But since you were avoiding eye contact you missed this indicator of interest and kept on moving ahead. You're not even sure he was saying hello to you anyways, so whatever right? Sure one could think that, but a chance missed is an opportunity lost.
That person could have been your good friend, future spouse, business partner, or team-mate, room-mate, etc., the list goes on and on.. at the very least you could have learned something new that would have come up in conversation. The worst scenario? They avoid you and you never see them again. No harm done..
Maybe it's just here in the N.E. (United States)... maybe its this technology driven world that we live in. Maybe people are losing touch with their humanity . Perhaps our ability to connect with our fellow man is disappearing.
I encourage everyone who reads this to smile and say hello to at least one stranger per day. Try to engage people in conversation in every possible situation. Even if you don't get a desirable response, just be proud to have taken that first step in connecting with another human being. If you're shy and timid, start with a simple wave or courteous smile. If you do this enough you'll be surprised by the results. Many people will respond positively and not only will you have made them happy I guarantee it will affect your mood as well.
-Victor
Don't forget to smile a plentifully and laugh often. Laughter really is the cure!
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Posted by VictorHK on 2009-10-09 14:42:45 | Rating: | Views: 61
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