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| Fashion.. mainly a woman's topic but here I go. |
I'm a fashionably conscious man. Most of my friends are not. Some jokingly say its "gay" to wear this or that and joke around about how uncomfortable they would feel if they were wearing what so-and-so is wearing.
Ones clothing can have a huge effect in the way others perceive them. When a guy walks into a room wearing a pair of sweatpants, football jacket, and baseball cap: you automatically assume he's a jock or part of some athletic team. Nobody really notices him and he quickly blurs into the crowd of two dozen other men wearing similar outfits.
But when a woman walks into a room wearing textured leather skin tights,a black laced satin corset, shiny patent leather stilettos, and a cowboy hat, everyone turns to look. As she moves throughout the venue, dozens of eyes lock onto her and she feels like a million bucks. And she doesn't even have to be the most beautiful woman in the room! The simple intrigue and sexual allure of her persona draws the curiosity of all the men AND women. As these other women in the room trade disapproving glances amongst one another and whisper such words as; "call girl," "stripper," and "slut," the men signal to their buddies with eyebrow and head nudges that an attractive woman has come into their peripherals. They mouth the silent "wow" with their lips and secretly wish that THEIR girlfriends looked like that.
It's a fascinating thing to see. I've watched it happen hundreds of times and I still enjoy the reaction of the crowd every single time.
Next time you're at a bar or restaurant make an effort to consciously notice this yourself. Take note of how some people disappear while others keep standing out in the crowd. You'll be amazed by the plethora of facial expressions you'll register when these stand outs are first noticed.
Women have known about this effect for centuries. Men are finally starting to catch on.
There is a caveat to this effect however. When a women looks too attractive, most men feel intimidated to go up and talk to them. A man's fear of rejection is directly proportional to the attractiveness of the woman he's contemplating going up to. In other words, the more attractive a woman is, the more fear a typical man will feel when approaching her. Often times these attractive women are doomed to spend the evening chit-chatting with their girlfriends in a room full of cowards. When and IF a man finally does muster up the courage to go talk to her, he usually stumbles all over his words and comes across as a dork. Add to this the pressure from his buddies who are all now watching him and you've got a disaster in the making. (This is also amusing to watch. Keep an eye out for this! You'll thank me later)
But this blog isn't about the social dynamics of a bar. I brought up this illustration to show you how a person's dress and demeanor can have a drastic effect on others.
Now imagine there's a well dressed, well groomed man in the crowd. It's Friday night and his buddies are also there having a great time winding down from the work week. This outting was discussed and agreed upon during Thursday afternoon's lunch so he's had time to plan his attire. He shows up to work on Friday wearing a nicely fitted red dress shirt, black pin-striped non-pleated pants, and pointed toe leather shoes. Once they leave the office for the bar however, he makes a few modifications by accessorizing himself with an; eccentric and cool looking belt buckle, thick metal rings on his fingers, brown leather buckled brace on his right wrist, and a black/silver pendant that he hangs from his neck. He's also sprayed on some expensive cologne and is looking to meet someone special.
As he jokes and laughs with his friends at the bar he notices various women making "split second" eye contact with him. He looks interesting and therefore people around start to become interested in finding out more about him. His clothing reveals something about his personality and women are curious to know what that something might be.
Virtually everyone else has conformed to a certain look (t-shirt w/ a funny picture or phrase on it, baseball cap, sneakers, etc.,) and that look is "safe." The "safe" look ensures that you DON'T stand out from the crowd. It doesn't cause people to think twice about who you are and it certainly makes you very generic. You might be coolest guy in the world but it doesn't matter because nobody is really going to go out of their way to see what you're all about. You've already been judged, solely on your appearance, which means you'll now have to work extra hard to gain a woman's approval. After all, before even a word was spoken, your appearance is all that they had to go on. And since they've already established you as being a boring and uninteresting person, you're fighting an uphill battle.
Back to our well dressed and fully accessorized man.
When he approaches women they automatically give him the benefit of the doubt because after all he looks interesting. As he approaches them they might start to think, "Maybe he's gay. Please don't let him be gay.." or "Wow, that guy is coming over here! What do I do?" It doesn't matter what they're thinking about you, because either way, they're thinking about YOU. And that, is a good thing.
Also, their senses are heightened and are probably feeling some excitement about your approach. As long as the guy doesn't use some corny pick-up line, he's golden (pick-up lines don't work gentlemen). He starts off the conversation with, "I noticed you girls over here earlier and I wanted to get your opinion about something. Get this, earlier today my buddies and I saw some woman beating up her boyfriend because she saw him checking out another woman. I mean this was a real beat-down, closed fists and everything. Is she just crazy or do you guys think its okay for people of the opposite sex to check each other out?"
At this point it doesn't matter what they say, you're in. They're now sharing their opinions on the subject and are engaged in the discussion with YOU. You appeared interesting and now their suspicions have been confirmed. You ARE interesting. Now they probably want to know more so they start asking you about what you do. A person dressed the way you're dressed must do something interesting for a living. Make them guess (it doesn't matter what you do or if you love your job or not). You'll likely get some interesting responses such as; "business owner, musician, artist, marketing manager, et-cetera" The important thing is that you've now become the center of attention and gained their acceptance into the group. The items and accessories you've put on also invites new topic threads to emerge. When they ask about your necklace, rings, or any of your other items you back each one up with an interesting story of how you came to obtain it. For instance I bought some items druring my visit to Italy. The topic of travel took front stage in the conversation when one of the women said, "Oh my god, I love Italy. They have great little outside flea markets! That's where I bought this purse."
Just like that, your clothing and accessories have opened up the doors to an enjoyable evening of conversation. Now its time to let your personality shine through so they can get to know what you're all about. You're not a creep and you don't come off needy. Instead you're a confident guy who has enough confidence to stand out from the crowd and not worry. Why? Because you don't care what other people think of you. You're collected and relaxed. Everyone likes you, why wouldn't they?
[Don't come off too high energy either.. that makes you seem weird and fake. Come in at just a slightly higher energy level than they are. Also, don't swear or use cuss words in front of people you've just met. It's not polite and they'll think you're a jerk. Just be yourself and position yourself comfortably.]
This is my advice to all those men who are thinking about or contemplating trying out a new style or accessory:
Don't be afraid.
Maybe it's too risky and you'd feel like a goof trying out a new style. Maybe people will laugh at you. Maybe the guy writing this blog has no clue what he's talking about. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Remember, whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way you're right.
When I start getting nervous about the impression I might leave onto others I simply think to myself: "Everybody poops!" It's true! We're all just human beings figuring out how to best share our time on this planet. Nobody has any more of a right to be here than anyone else. We're all just tiny biological blobs in the universe. So really, who cares what those other blobs think. You're the most confident blob of them all. So get out there, try new clothing, new accessories, and new hair styles. Mix and match them until you feel good looking yourself in the mirror.
-Victor
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Posted by VictorHK on 2009-10-06 13:09:55 | Rating: | Views: 94
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