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I woke up this morning feeling different. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe it was the pool of blood on the floor that my foot went smack dab in the middle of. Whatever it was, today is not gonna be a good day.
G-E-T O-U-T!!!
That's all the little voice in my head kept saying. Normally, I listen to her, she's really nice. But today she was scaring me. So I decided to take a ball peen hammer to my temple and really show her who's boss. I'll get stitches later.
The farthest thing from my mind was that pool of blood, I was trying to figure out where the dog went.
The little mutt is usually all over me like white on rice. He tries to maul my hand off, sticks his butt in my face and farts. The whole time he's peeing and pooping all over the house. Just once I would like to take him by the tail and whip him around really fast like a helicopter blade. My friends get a good laugh out of getting him drunk and feeding him chocolate just to see how long it takes for him to throw up and pass out.
The smell of children in the morning.
I couldn't find them either. No-good-lazy-sons-of-a-......... Probably outside making a bigger mess for me to clean up. Oh my gawd! Look at this front room, I'm gonna kill em! The little voice was whispering something to me just now, but I couldn't hear her over my screaming. She politely cleared her throat and said, "GET OUT NOW!!!" This time I asked why. "Because when they find you, they will send you back to the bad place."
DID MY MEDS WEAR OFF?
I begin to search the house...found the dog.....in the microwave.....probably 20 mins on high from the mess. Do I even wanna look for the kids? Oh! Easy, there's one now. Nope, just a foot, I wonder where the rest of them are? Ah.....that's right! That pool of blood I'm guessing. Oh well, just another mess for me to clean up.
I hate Saturdays.
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Posted by VarahnTet on 2008-04-24 19:47:02 | Rating: | Views: 48
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