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Quittin' Time

The sound of the chainsaw drowned out the screams coming from the offices. The blinking lights of the fire alarm were the only way to navigate, and what the hell was that burning smell anyway? Oh! Must be this chainsaw….

Beer was the only thing on my mind.

I just wanted to finish the job I started so I could get myself down to the bar for a drink. Who gives someone a major project on Friday at 4pm!?!? No one that’s who! So I rev the engine of my little friend and started hacking away at resolving the problem. I’ll definitely need to change my clothes before heading out I thought.

Where did the time go?

Wow! It’s 4:35 now and I only have a few minutes left to get this done. Guess I’ll take care of Bob down the way, he’s fat, and can’t run too fast. I slice the Achilles tendon to keep him stationary while I remove the part of his face that bothers me the most, his eyes. I never liked the way he looked at my boobs. And Angela in HR, with her bouffant hair don’t and gossip, “Take a look at it!”, I say as I dangle her scalp in front of her. Her now stitched shut and silent mouth contorted with despair.

The FedEx man finally arrives….

In time to deliver my paycheck and a small package between his legs that I toss onto the receptionists’ desk after I lob it off cleanly from his groin. The receptionist starts screaming like she’s never seen a prick before, so I shove it down her throat, choking her. It was the only way to keep down the shrill din emanating from her yelling. I look down at my watch and notice it’s 4:52 and make for my desk.

Forget the 5:00pm deadline, I’M OUTTA HERE!

I get back to my desk, someone’s head in my hand…..OH! It’s Mary, well, she’s had better days I think, I plunk her down on my chair and give her spin, blood splattering my window view. As I’ve now abandoned the hope of actually finishing the job by 5:00 with this chainsaw, I grab my purse and toss the grenade inside into the accounting department and call it a night.

TGIF!!