Posted by
Slash
on 2008-03-05 04:15:09 |
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hi. i know actually giving advice to you would be a direct statement of how i think i'm a know-it-all and whatever i say is the right thing to do. so i want to establish this right off the bat - i am not a know-it-all. i am not in a relationship currently. my past relationships have SUCKED! and my love life seems to be going nowhere right now.
that being said, i have probably discredited myself as a guy entirely. but i felt your pain while going through this blog and felt you needed someone to talk to. so i'm sorry that i'm not mr. perfect. but i've gotta be better than nothing at all i hope...
every relationship is different because the dynamics differ by just a little and the major equation at hand gets affected in a big way. like you say that you THINK he feels the same way about you as you do about him. and you obviously need to be with him and are obsessing over the littlest details from his side. the fact that you're considering the word 'was' over 'is'. i have yet to meet anyone who's spoken english is grammatically ALWAYS correct. so what you're taking to be a sign, could just be a random error on his part. in all probability, he might not want to get back with you.
but at the end of the day, i think there's an easy solution with a difficult decision that you need to make. you need to answer this question - what's more important? a) just his friendship or b) a 50% chance of getting back with him with a 100% uncertainty to the relationship OR a 50% chance of scaring him away again for an unknown period of time.
that's a huge gamble. if you take the safe option though, keep talking, it'll give him time to reflect on how he misses you. if all you said was true and he doesn't have many friends and he is miserable without you, he'll realize that he needs you sooner or later.
if you stay friends, let him know that you would be ok with getting back with him and accept him the way he is. let him know that you'll wait for him to be ready with it. and when i say "let him know", i mean "hint". give him a hint and dont keep repeating it and dont chase after him.
my guess is, if you stay emotionally strong, even as friends, you will eventually get the physical desire for each other. and when that happens, that's the time to strike.
i dont know if you could possibly use anything i said. and i dont know whats going to happen. but i hope that you find yourself happy... sooner than later. |
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Posted by
Lisa20
on 2008-03-05 04:59:05 |
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| if you ask me any potential relationship btween you two is damaged goods from the start - crappy stuff has happend already in the past and it might seem like a great idea to get back together now, but its only bcos you are not together that you want to be together, sort of like a taboo thing? shake it off and remember that there are tons of other guys with hardly any hang-ups that you have to deal with and someone you can start a-fresh with, ultimately its your gut that should make your decision |
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Posted by
LpnMom94
on 2008-03-05 08:12:33 |
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| It is human nature to want what one doesn't have especially when ya had it and lost it on some one else's terms. Don't obsess over not being in the relationship you think you want with this guy, but rather be thankful for the relationship you are in with him. As time goes by, if it is meant to be, the two of you will grow closer together in many ways with friendship being the base this time around. If your friendship doesn't bloom into more with time, then its not meant to be more than a friendship anymore. However, if you continue to push and prod even gently here and there, you may eventually lose the person who could be the best friend and confidant you could ever have. Is that worth losing? I hope this had made some sense and has helped. Best wishes to you. |
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Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-03-05 11:54:09 |
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| LpnMom94 - I know your comment was directed to the poster of the blog but I would like to say that it really hit a personal note with me and a relationship I am in (were dating and are now attempting a friendship). For what it's worth - thanks. |
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Posted by
Unforgettable
on 2008-03-05 14:52:58 |
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| Thank you guys so much - your advice has been great. I'm not going to say anything to him because if he wanted to get back like I feel he would, he would have said something - I shouldn't be the one bringing it up when the decision is entirely in his hands. If we remain friends then maybe he'll realize his feelings for me again, if not then I'll survive - I have so far! Thank you again so much, you're all amazing. |
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Posted by
EasyToSay
on 2008-03-06 05:08:43 |
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I've been in your situation - but I was with my boyfriend for 4 years before we broke up .... I got some golden advice from a stranger - which I chose to ignore. You see we were breaking up and getting back together and breaking up etc etc. The advice I received and ignored was ===== Don't See Each other for 6 months - organise a place to meet in 6 months time on a particular date at a particular time. If we both turn up then settle down and get serious - if one doesn't then move on! =========
I chose to ignore the advice - married him 6 years later (and yes those 6 years were the same) and now I'm about to get divorced from him ..... so take it from me HAVE A BREAK - A REAL BREAK. Don't talk everyday, don't see each other all the time.
Just my advice - but do whats in your heart if you think your head is CLEAR!? |
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Posted by
whiteknight
on 2008-03-06 05:13:09 |
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My two cents is from the other end:
Mention it in small ways
Do not be blatant, but mention it so he sees the cracked door
I was talking the other day w/ a girl I work with who came to work crying, I asked why?
Seems an old friend from high school, she is 26, told her that he had always loved her and he just was not sure how to say it.
She said she was crying because if she had known......
Your situation is not the same I know, but makes sure he sees that the door is open if he wants in |
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Posted by
shemelts
on 2008-03-06 11:24:41 |
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My advice...life is too short to play games. If you truely love this man, then you need to tell him. You also need to work on your self-esteem. Jealousy is just low self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, then you don't constantly need reassurance from someone else that you are okay and that they still love you. You can let him have the space he needs to be himself without being smothered. Men usually show their feelings through actions and not through words so don't expect him to come to you with a plea to get back together.
Live today like it is your last day. Admit your mistakes to him and work faithfully to change your behavior so you can feel good about what you bring to this relationship. Don't whine, don't connive, just be the best you that you can be. Something drew him to you and that same something can work in your favor. At the very least, telling him how you feel and giving him the space to figure out how he feels is the mature thing to do. If it turns out that he needs to move forward with his life, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were honest about your feelings and you gave it your best shot. Good luck and hang in there, things work out for the best. :) |
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