Thoughts.com Blogs - I Am Incredibly Shallow

First, I have to say the weirdest thing happened. I had almost the exact same dream about Zachary. Why I'm dreaming about dating a guy I don't even like, I'll never understand. Apparently, I have more issues than I thought. But that's not why I'm shallow.

I went to the grocery store after my exercise class a few night ago. As I was leaving, I heard a man ask me if I was in a hurry. I gave him my standard response that I don't believe in walking slowly. Normally, I would have kept going, but he seemed nice enough, so I stopped to talk to him. We talked for a few minutes, and I ended up giving him my phone number. I usually don't give my number to strangers, but it's not like I told him where I live. And I gave him my standard warning that my phone is off most of the time because of work. So after I left, I started thinking. I really didn't find this guy attractive. He's not a bad looking guy, just not exciting to me. I told someone this, and she responded by telling me it's not a big deal, looks aren't everything, and I need to get laid. Three very good points. But I figure if I've had this long of a dry spell, I might as well for someone I really like. He's not huge, but he's not exactly thin or well-built either. I guess he's just average. Now I'm not beauty queen, so I don't see why this should bother me. Especially since I read an article about a recent study that suggest women who marry less attractive men have better relationships. Then it hit me, I'm even more shallow than I realized. This isn't something which makes me happy. And it makes me wonder, can a relationship really work when there's not a mutual attraction? Looks aren't everything of course, but don't they count for something? Oh well, I doubt a relationship will come from this. I'm back on my diet, so it's not like I can go out to eat. Then when you factor in my job and exercise routine, not much time is left over for a personal life. And I'm sure I'll find someway to ruin that might possibly happen. I figure if he actually calls me, I'll end up playing a game I'll call "How to Make a Guy Lost interest in 5 Dates or Less" And this isn't because I'm not attracted to him. More because I think once he got to really know me, he'd lose interest anyway. So I'll just speed up the process. Of course I could just tell him in the beginning I'm not interested, but I don't think I have the balls to do that. Hopefully, he won't actually call. I have his number too, but I'm obviously not calling him. This really just means I can't complain about being single anymore. Oh yeah, and I'm incredibly shallow. That really makes me feel like a horrible Christian. I'm doing my best, but still I'm just human.

Signed,
The Twisted One