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Life has it ups and downs and people have their problems. The way some handle a situation my not be the way others do. This is a true story I am going to tell you and if you are ever faced with a situation like this I pray God help you and give you the strength to carry on, as I have. Without Him, I could not made it through this.
I had a brother that was eight years older than me and even as a child I can remember he just never seemed happy. He always had to be drunk or on drugs. He couldn't see what it was doing to our family. I have four sisters and my brother didn't make life for them easy. He would get very depressed and many times he tried to commit suicide. He drank bug poison one time, then another time he was drinking and he got in his car and drove up to the top of a hill and decided he didn't want to live so he put his foot to the gas and ran head on into two parked cars. He had to be rushed to the hospital and he had three broken ribs, damaged one of his lungs and had to have a few stiches in his forhead. This is just a couple of things he did. When I got married I moved away from my family. One night I received a phone call that my brother had been shot in the head and he was in serious condition. I am the oldest of my sisters so I had to fly to Alabama. The doctors were waiting for me because some difficult choices had to be made and I had to be the one to give the deciding answer. When I arrived at the hospital I was warned about what to expect when I went into ICU. There are no words that can compare to what I was to see. I was told he was brain dead and that his heart had stopped beating a couple of times and the doctors were able to bring him back. I also was informed that he had been living with a lady and this lady has three children. Only two of them lived at home. A girl 13 and a boy 15. One of my brothers friends told my sisters and I that he had received a call 4 hours before my brother was shot. He said my brother told him that he was taking a nap and he heard a noise and when he looked up this 15 year old boy was holding a hand gun (revolver) and was pulling the trigger. He said he reached up and knocked the gun out of this boys hand. He said there was one bullet in the chamber. My brother also told his friend that a few days before that, he was standing at the sink getting a drink of water and he heard a noise and when he turned around this boy was about to stab him in the back. So with this being said, my brother asked his friend if he could come and stay with him for awhile because he was concerned some one was going to get hurt if he didn't get out. His friend told my sisters and I that he told our brother to have his things ready and when he got off work he would drop by and pick him up. Four hours later, he received a call that my brother had shot himself.
The doctors were pushing for a decision to be made. The choices were, they could keep my brother on life support until his heart quit and not try and bring him back, they could continue with things like they were and if his heart stopped beating they would try again to bring him back, the last chioce was did we want our brother to be a donor? My sisters and I were given little time to make a decision but we talked about it and one of my brothers closest friends said my brother had told him a couple of times if anything happened to him he wanted to be a donor. He said he felt like he had messed up his life so maybe he could do this for the good.
At one point and time while we were trying to decide what to do some detectives showed up asking questons. The 15 year old boy was there at the hospital with his mom and he made the comment that his mom was going to be in trouble because he said he saw her come out of the bathroom with the gun in her hand. Also, the police said when they showed up this lady had waited awhile before she called them. They said that my brother was lying on the bed and this lady had started cleaning up the blood. All of this was very strange and very disturbing.
My sisters and I made the decision for our brother to be a donor so we told the doctor. We went into the room to say our goodbye's and yet we were told because he was brain dead he actually was already gone. I signed the papers and walked out of the room. Just as I walked out the door that 15 year old boy came running down the hall yelling, don't sign those papers, if you do you are the murderer. It was all I could do to keep from getting a hold on this boy. His mom grabbed him and my sisters husband grabbed me.
So, I felt guilty for many years thinking I could have done something different and this would never would have happened and my brother would still be alive. My sisters and I have thrown ideas around about what we think really happened but because my brother had tried to kill himself so many times, it was ruled a suicide. I even talked to an attorney and he told me I would have to hire a privite detective and I would be throwing my money away because of my brothers past. Pretty much, they were saying, he is not a big star or some one of high society value so no body cared. My sisters and I have wondered many a time, did he do it or was he killed and was it covered up. My husband went to the police department to get a report and they said they had no report of any kind of shooting that night.
Well, much time has passed and there still is no answer except this.
God knows if my brother killed himself the guilt and all that goes with it what it would do to us mentally and how we would deal with it.
God knows if we found out he was murdered if we would want to seek revenge. If we would be able to forgive. See, God's Word says, if we don't forgive, he want forgive us and that would be very bad.
So, we hold on to the memories and time has helped but we will never forget. God has given us the strength to get through. He has given me peace about the guilt I felt for so long because God is God and He has the power if He wanted to, to have healed my brother and brought him back again. God also knew, what my brothers future would be like and just maybe...my sisters and I were spared the fear of receiving the phone call and someone on the other end telling us, my brother had once again tired to kill himself. Only God holds the answers to it all.
I write this because even as hard as it is totell you I serve a God that can get people through anything. He gives us the power and comfort to over come the trials of life that some times come crashing down on us, when we think we can not go on another minute.
For the ones that has ever thought of suicide, I pray God reach down and touch your life and show you He has a plan for you to give you a hope and a future. All you have to do is call on the name of Jesus and He is there for you.
If you have had an experience of someone that has commited suicide or however they may have lost their life. God's not so far away that He want comfort you and give you inner peace. The peace that passes all understanding, when you don't understand what is going on. God gives life and it's in his control how it ends. Sometimes it may not be God's will but He knows why some things just have to take place the way they do.
I pray for the broken hearted and those that are poor in spirit and I ask God to help you and lift you up and that you know, God is there for you and He is very real. He is a very real help in the time of need.
Be Blessed and May The Peace Of God Surround You Always,
Deane
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Posted by Trinity7 on 2008-06-23 01:27:44 | Rating: | Views: 99
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Thank you for sharing that story. I have dealt with suicide attempts in my family and know how difficult it is to talk about.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-06-24 01:32:28
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My heart and my prayers go out to you and I pray God put a hedge of protection around you and your family.
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Posted by Trinity7
on 2008-06-24 02:03:37
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It is good that you can help others with this and that God has allowed you to move on! If what has happened in our lives can help someone else than the past is not wasted but is used to lead someone else though a dark time! I know this because Trinity is my sister and I have seen where God as bought her and the peace that He gives her daily!
Love Ya
Little Sis
Always Big Sis
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Posted by supergrandma
on 2008-06-26 00:53:48
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thanks for sharing your story
from a guy point of view i was very touch
yes with GOD all things are possible
i had a friend many years ago committed suicide and my causin last year and its very hard on a family ...your story you shared has many events and happenings
and God will make a way where there is no way
God bless you
and keep you in peace
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Posted by good_news
on 2008-07-17 04:55:13
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That's a very sad story - - thank you for sharing and I am glad you are steadfast in your faith.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-17 13:37:59
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