Why in the world do we use each other? I’m not talking about borrowing a neighbor’s blender or using the community pen at the bank. I’m talking about using a person for your own self gratitude with total disregard for their feelings.

Sometimes we do it by accident. Often it is meant for the good, then goes south. And other times we are diligent planners with premeditated actions and preconceived notions of how things will end.

In the accidental form, we meet someone, have fun, and occupy each other’s free evenings. Things are good, until someone better comes along. Then we are in the predicament of, “What should I do? Should I end things and pursue something with the new person?” Then it happens. You stop calling. You ignore their calls and eventually things end. Or, as I prefer, there is a mutual ending with both parties leaving with the understanding of where the relationship stands.

Now the accidental form cannot be avoided. But the intentional version, the cold-hearted and cruel, is planned and executed according to a meticulous outline that inevitably crushes the other’s spirit and soul.

I tend to fall in the latter category.

Now this one almost always starts out with a red flag. “I’m coming out of a blank month/year relationship and I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” See, what I hear is, “I’ve been hurt and I’m looking for someone to make me feel better.” But this is what I have learned, what she is saying is, “I want someone to occupy my time so I don’t miss Mr. Ex Douche bag.”

This is where the mistake happens. You begin to spend time with this person. You listen, you care, and you help her feel better about her situation. You treat her like a princess. You realize money is not an option. So you plan weekend trips. You go to restaurants or cook together. You call each other several times a day until eventually; you have fallen into a relationship.

Things are going great. You cuddle on the couch. You can’t wipe the goofy smile off your face. You have fallen for the girl.

Then, like an unsuspecting driver, you are sideswiped out of NOWHERE! Before you have time to ask what happened, you have been canned, shelved and locked away. You are now a distant memory. You have become the canned yams of the dark pantry-you’re in there, but no one knows where.

And like the other used scenario, one person wants more and the other person wants more…of someone else.

So you have become yesterday’s news. The flavor of the week. The means to an end. The rebound guy. You have become the leverage for her to get her ex back.

You pour your heart and soul into what you think is a good thing, but you were nothing more than a pawn in her plan of self gratitude. You were used and abused. And to top it all off, as quickly as you came in, you have been shut out.

So call me Reverend Rebound or Baskin Robbins. But if you will excuse me, I have another heart break calling. But this time, things will be different. She really cares. Or so I think…