I made up my mind today. I AM going to get off of these pills. I know, I know I've tried before but when I did I was hoping to stay sane and stable. This time I'm going into this with the attitude that I'm going to go nuts but I'm going to deal with it. I'll handle it and learn to live with it. Anything to be medication independent. I hate being tied to these pills, every day I have to take them at the same time each day. I have to worry abut bringing them with me if I'm not going to be home. I have to deal with the weight gain and the loss of libido (not lessening, complete, outright loss. Maybe that ain't something for someone who's been married for 31 years. Try explaining that to your wife). For these reasons, but more for myself, I want off of these things. No more worrying about refills, no more worrying about whether or not I'll be home to take them, no more worrying about filling my daily pill reminder, no more questions "did you take your pills tonight?". I'm flat out stopping them.
I'm gonna cut them back to half dosage 1st, then in 2 weeks I'm stopping them. Now's as good a time as any because I'm running out of lithium so I won't have to worry about a refill.
I know I'll go a little nuts again. I'm hoping, intending to be able to deal with it.
I know as I go nuts I'll likely post some wild schitte here. Please ignore it. It'll just be part of me trying to deal with it. In fact it may be best if you stop reading me altogether. Just let me go quietly nuts.
I don't rightly no exactly why I'm so driven to get off the meds but I am. It keeps coming up, time and time again. I've learned I need them to stay sane but what if I can live with the insanity? What if I'm actually able to survive and prosper without them? Wouldn't that be wonderful? I'll never know if I don't try, and try again. Each time I get stable I want to try. Well this time I'm doing it.
Wish me luck.
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