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Life is good

Nothing particular to this entry, I just haven't posted in a bit and thought I owed an update.

I've been doing really well. Had that relatively mild depressive session over the weekend as I was coming home from the poconos and another really mild, and short lived, one yesterday afternoon. Not sure why but my manic periods seem to have vanished.

Seems to me the mild depressive times may even be normal depressive times, not assiated with my insanity. I think they may come out of times I know I'm gonna be home. I rarely it here, too much crap all the time, and I believe that's trying to be a trigger.

The good news there is that for the most part it's failing. I wanta credit the risperdal for that but as always, when I'm doing really well it's too ez to say it's because I'm in control and not give the med it's proper due. Logically I know I'm only in control because I'm taking it but emotionally I'm patting myself on the back and also giving credit to some other things going on in my life, like trying to help a person who may eventually become a good friend.

Oh well, who cares, what counts is I'm really doing well. Since doubling my dosage I've had next to no episodes and the few I've had have been so mild as to be irrelevant. They haven't had a chance at overcoming my control.

Today I take the 1st real, tiniest steps towards changing my life and overcoming this monster for good (I hope). And maybe, please Lord, someday I'll be able to give up the risperdal for good also. I actually quiver with glee at the thought and I'm overflowing with confidence and excitement. I'll tell you - as my plans evolve and progress time is gonna pass like molasses in January until I get where I'm heading but I think as I near completion it'll speed up to warp 5.

Not really sure why I'm so excited, I should have at least some apprehension - I know there's gonna be some real rough spots and quite a bit of turmoil but it's not bothering me at all, at least not yet.

You know it's kinda bizarre to me that I can say this and really mean it, I've never been able to before (at least not in the last 10 or 20 years) but life is good and looking like it's getting even better.