| View Blog
|
|
|
|
Have you ever had a memory that's so poignant, so powerful and beautiful yet so bitter and painful that you're really not sure how to handle it? One of those memories that makes you smile, not grin but whole heartedly smile, ear to ear, at the same time you feel tears well up in your eyes?
That's where I am right now. It's a beautiful thing, it feels so good yet it's painful too. Guess i can say, honestly, that it hurts so good.
It's really kinda bizarre - the dichotomy is so reminiscent of my BP you'd think it would drive me off the deep end. Yet it doesn't. In fact it does the opposite. It empowers me, helps me to maintain my center, keeps my stength up, makes me feel so good all the while it's hurting so much. It gives me reason to be at the same time it tries to suck all hope and light outta me.
How can it do both? I dunno, if you can tell me then please do so. All I know is it does. One minute I'm feeling like I've just left the top of the world, the next I'm almost at the bottom then I'm back again. Never quite at the top anymore but darn close. And none of it has anything to do with BP or is even feeding the BP, at least not yet.
I'm really not sure how to handle this, it's all such a new experience for me. I've never, ever been here before. I'm just trying to soldier my way on through and I think I'm doing surprisingly well at it. I know I'm surprising myself. That's a good thing, I don't surprise myself often enough anymore.
|
|
Posted by Tony51203 on 2008-07-01 20:44:22 | Rating: | Views: 67
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
Im so happy you are surprising yourself, and you mentioned that you dont surprise yourself often enough anymore....so
you should throw yourself a surprise party!
I did, for my 40th.
and I even wrote about it!
I am grinning right now as I read your post cuz Im so happy you are doing so well, and Im thinking about that surprise party, it was pretty funny. I told everyone to park a block away, so I wouldnt see the cars, and no gag gifts were allowed, only real ones, and if they saw me on the street, not to mention a word, cuz they wouldnt want to ruin the surprise!
|
|
Posted by roe
on 2008-07-02 00:28:34
|
|
|
|
|
What a perfectly crazy idea! So you, I think. A suprise party for yourself! How wonderful, it makes me laugh at the very audaciousness of it!
|
|
Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-07-02 05:12:07
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
