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| Day 4, Mania? |
Day 4 and I'm still going strong. I'm extra happy this morning, dunno why, but I am. I feel full of piss and vinegar, full of energy and happy thoughts.
That has me a bit concerned. I'm hoping it's not early signs of mania setting in. Isn't BP a bitch when it makes you look a gift horse in the mouth like that? It makes you doubt each emotion you have, worry about where it's coming from and where it's heading to. You have to constantly be on guard lest the little devil sneak in and bite you on the ass.
It felt good to get a little buzz on last night. It's been quite a while since I've done that. Often times those buzzes lead me into depression but this one didn't. I felt good, all night, even though my wife didn't get home until almost 10 o'clock. That was another test of my ability to stand this, I don't usually do well when I'm alone. Well last night I had no trouble with it. I think that was entirely due to my attitude. A positive attitude brings positive results. Gotta remember that.
OK so my daughter has mostly moved into her 2nd apartment. I'm still not entirely sure I understand this. I mean I know the reasons that have been explained to me, how she's worried about losing their 1st apartment if Dale loses his job, but this seems a bit excessive to me. To maintain 2 households? Quite a bit to chew on there don't you think? I'm not entirely sure I buy the reasons as they've been explained to me. Personally I think they're not doing too well and she's worried about him putting her out if they have a fight. I hope that's not the reason but it's what I feel. I know he's told her it's his apartment and she's only a guest in it. Well I wish her all the luck in the world. I would hope she knows I'd never let her live on the streets.
I'm really feeling not quite right this morning. I feel like I'm firing on eight cyclinders when I'm only driving a 6 cylinder vehicle. I think maybe this is mania setting in. I have to watch that. If it is then I have to deal with it. I'm not really sure how to do so, I'm much more used to dealing with the depression. I'm mostly BP II which means I'm more inclined to depression then mania.
Coffee's ok this morning but not that all consuming aaaahhhh that makes it a great pot. Not sure why this is, you'd think once you have the blend down it'd be a done deal but still some morning's it's a great pot and other one's it's not. This morning is one of those that it's not.
Truth be told, I'm not quite sure what I am this morning. I got up feeling good but as I sit here I feel weird. I hope this isn't the start of something. I had hoped to go at least a full week before exhibiting symptoms. I think I'll be all right. I just have to get busy then I'll be ok.
I said I was ready for this, that I was prepared for some bad effcts. I have to toe the line and stick with it. Right now I feel like I need my meds. I just took them in fact. But I think maybe I'll take them tonight as well. I don't like the way I feel right now.
Oh well, this is what I wanted. So this is what I'm getting. Stick with it, don't give up so soon. Hold my head high and deal with it. I have to learn to deal with it.
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Posted by Tony51203 on 2009-11-08 09:31:21 | Rating: | Views: 5
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