| Tony51203's Blogs in June 2009
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Memories... or Not
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Something truly amazing has come to light tonight. My wife and I were sitting and talking, trying to figure out what we're doing and where we're headed.
During this conversation my wife decided to take a trip down memory lane. She wanted to revisit all the wild, crazy and fun times we've......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-01 00:43:54 |
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Views: 95 |
Comments: 4 | Tags:
dunno
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June 1, 2009
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I'm very fatalistic this morning. I feel like events are spinning around me and they're all out of control.I'm very down and can feel the tears pressing again, the attraction to death is back, the crazy crap is running through my head, I'm having a hard time focusing, I want to go curl up in bed......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-01 11:16:09 |
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Views: 49 |
Comments: 2 | Tags:
journal
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End of a very bad day
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Fatalistic was I this morning? No frigging wonder I was. My life, my sanity, is so much out of my control. My very happiness is beyond my control. My entie self is out of my control.
I am so god damned depressed again. It's all I can do to keep from sobbing. I am losing my life in bits and......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-01 21:35:39 |
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Views: 33 |
Comments: 0 | Tags:
dunno
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June 2, 2009
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Well here I am again, another day another depression. Another day of wracking sobs, hating myself, wishing I was dead, mind numbing effed up thoughts, hiding from the world.
I'm so not in the mood for this today. Mood - ha, therein lies my problem. Moods are at the root of all this. Out of......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-02 09:56:46 |
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Views: 35 |
Comments: 3 | Tags:
journal
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Group Therapy
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I just got back from my 1st group therapy session. I had a lot of hope wrapped up into this. I really did. I hoped it would help me, give me some coping skills, teach me ways of battling the frigging depression.
What a disappointment. The whole program is aimed towards helping those with......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-02 22:11:09 |
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Views: 52 |
Comments: 7 | Tags:
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Feelin gooood
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Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! No signs of depression this morning! Yeah! I'm actually smiling over this. I feel good! I FEEL GOOD!
Not sure if it's just part of cycling or if it's because I increased the lamictal again yesterday. I'm now halfway to my target dosage. The lamictal is my anti......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-03 08:58:48 |
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Views: 53 |
Comments: 5 | Tags:
a good day
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yeah, some good day
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Well it started out avery good day. All in all it's still not bad one. I'm down significanlty from this morning but I'm not feeling depressed. I'm just very, very sad.
A stage in my life that has never really blossomed to it's full potential is coming to an end. I know it, I can feel it. It......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-03 16:32:55 |
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Views: 47 |
Comments: 0 | Tags:
dunno
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My Heart Hurts
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That's really all I wanted to say, My heart hurts, man does it hurt. I've lost it and I'm not getting it back. And so my heart hurts. I've lost the most important thing to my heart, instead I'm left with 2nd best, in reality about 10th best or more. My heart hurts and it's killing me. I have to......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-03 22:41:17 |
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Views: 51 |
Comments: 5 | Tags:
pain
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2nd day of normalcy
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Day 2 of normalcy. I don't feel so up like I did yesterday but I still feel normal, not up, not down, just plain normal. And this normal as everyday people feel normal, not as is normal for me.
Lately normal for me is depressed. Some time ago normal for me was either too far up or too......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-04 08:07:17 |
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Views: 33 |
Comments: 2 | Tags:
normalcy
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Choices
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Choices. Sometimes you may be faced with two completely opposite options. One is a march into the unknown, the other is staying with the comfortable, the known, the status quo.
It's hard to give up the known for the unkown and you may be loathe to do so. Or you may, like me, drag your feet......Read More
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Posted on: 2009-06-04 13:30:51 |
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Views: 19 |
Comments: 1 | Tags:
known vs unknown
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