it is inevitable....
feeling this way.


i am really sad right now......
me and my exboyfriend brandon,
have an interesting relationship.
We both have hurt eachother in so many ways.

i regret all the pain of course,
but at the same time it made me grow up and realize what i had, even thought it was too late.
I will always love brandon, his mom became my mom and i think of them both as angels sent to me from my grandpa when my mom walked out of my life.
They both were my rock and held me together.
I am forever greatful for that.

I know that the reason we broke up the last time was my fault and i will never be able to get that again,
our memories that we shared were so special. I spent one of the best years of my life...my senior year with him.
I will always remember that.

Now that we are just friends, and its been almost a year since we have been broken up, it is still hard.
I must admit, seeing him all the time has its moments where we fight, but thats normal i guess.
;[
it seems as the months pass on.....so is our friendship. slowly fading like the winter season.
I guess thats normal too...

i hate how i try and tell him how i feel and he freaks out on me, because he doesnt know how to handle it.
i wish he could just see that i am only human, i make mistakes, and i am allowed to, in order to learn my lesson and grow up but you can punish someone for their mistakes FOREVER.
i did try to get back together with him......more than once. i love him, alot, and if he cant see it and its not good enough for him, and if he thinks he can do better fine.....yet he gets mad when i start talking to other guys.
clearly they see me for the wondrful person i am, and if you dont so be it.
thats all over tho. we are just friends now.

it jsut hurts me that when i call him, he never calls back, he supposably never has "time"
in reality there is always a period you can make time.
clearly u make time to play video games,
time to call / text ur other buddies, and explorers.
time to go on myspace and chat with the whore of an ex- best friend.
it just hurts worse than anything....i jsut would like it if someone who truly cared about me. wanted to actually talk to me. but its okay.
everyone i have ever loved has left me.
or i have given up.
and serioiusly tonight isnt the first night where i have cried because of this issue.
its all the time.
i just want the old brandon back. who used to love talking to me for hours.
not just sitting on the phone with me out of pitty for 5 minutes to make himself feel better before going to bed.
so i am giving up. what else is there to do?
i try and talk my way about it, and it gets me no where.
so as i sit here and cry and think about all the good times....i cant help but wonder why did they leave? and where is the person i used to love at?

i guess its true.....some people change, for the good or the bad, either way, i dont like change, and at the end of the day i am alone again.

good night.