Sometimes I am doing okay. Other times I could be better. My lows are very bad, and I get worried about myself. Somehow they pass, and I breathe more easily. I try to distract myself with things I enjoy, mostly playing with my son ... I haven't really been running for a week now, mostly because I had a cold the past few days, but also because I just wasn't in the mood. When I'm playing with my son, and he's laughing with me, I am happier than I am anywhere else. I wish those moments could last forever. But they can't. And I know that ...

I am not functioning very well at work. Difficult to concentrate and focus on what needs to be done. I am overwhelmed with tasks, some of which are frankly not part of my job description. People take advantage of my willingness to take on their responsibilities. Perhaps I think I can do the job better. Maybe I can. But we all have a limit, and I have reached my ceiling.

I slept 4 hours last night, and am averaging 5hrs 32 minutes sleep a night for the past 10 weeks. I spend the hours I am awake working, talking with my wife, watching movies, running, and playing with my son. I avoid most other people. I don't trust easily, but I guess most of us can relate to that. Having strange dreams the last month. Mostly a recurring dream of the mugging, and being burned alive. Stuff like that ... creepy. It feels so real.

I watched the movie "Once" on Sunday. This stanza, from one of the songs from the movie, struck a chord with me. I quote: "Falling slowly, eyes that know me, and I can't go back ... Moods that take me and erase me and I'm painted black. You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself. It's time that you won." These words have become indelibe in my mind. They speak to me, embrace me, and captivate me.

More positively, my manager of the British Deaf Athletics team emailed me yesterday, to say he will write more fully today hopefully, but he just wanted to say my last race was "a very impressive performance. Well done." It was timeous encouragement.